Getting Married Today

"Getting Married Today" is the 70th episode of Desperate Housewives, as well as its third season finale.

Episode summary
Three days before her wedding, Gabrielle wants to know why Carlos hasn’t responded to her wedding invitation and he tells her he’s not going because it would be awkward. She insists that he can’t show up alone because everyone will think she has a problem with him seeing Edie. He says he’ll burst out laughing when she swears “'Til death do us part”, so she gives up and tells him he can just come to the reception.

Lynette asks her sister Lucy for a loan to pay for her upcoming medical bills she’ll incur in treating the lymphoma, but she’s also strapped and can’t help out. She orders her not to tell their mother, Stella, but she shows up anyway with her luggage, announcing she was already married to a man who put his career first and she swore never to do it again, while he’s vowed to never again let a “stupid woman” hold him back. He tries to apologize, saying he’s been under a lot of pressure and she tells him he now has one less thing to worry about since she’s intending to cancel the wedding. He says it’s too late to cancel but she responds that it’s “just in the nick of time”.

The next morning Milton shows up early on her doorstep to apologize. She tells him it’s not his fault and he insists it is, since Victor has always been desperate for his father’s approval, especially since he’s never gotten it. She wonders why she should marry a man who values his father’s opinion more than hers. Milton tells her that after she left, Victor called him up and “tore him a new one” and blamed him for driving her away. Just then Victor arrives with roses and Milton sneaks out the back. He looks on approvingly as Victor and Gabrielle embrace.

Gabrielle is ready to walk down the aisle but is freaking out because Bree is late bringing her “something new” which is a bracelet from her honeymoon trip to Switzerland. When she finally arrives, Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle's jaws drop. Bree's pregnant. Alone with Orson later, she tells him she wouldn’t blame him if he ran like hell. He swears to love and raise the baby as if it were his own.

Edie is feeling guilty about deceiving Carlos into thinking she’s gone off the pill and is trying to get pregnant. He, meanwhile, has been doing research and is coming up with ways for her to get pregnant faster. She urges him to “let nature take its course”, and he says that at their age, nature isn’t on their side anymore and that her eggs aren’t “farm fresh”. He also forbids her to drink alcohol, at least until after the baby is born and she’s done nursing.

She’s on her way to Gabrielle’s wedding and tells Carlos she’ll see him at the reception. Just as she’s leaving, she runs into the paper boy and asks Carlos if he’ll pay him. Carlos is short of cash, so he goes through Edie’s purse and finds her birth control pills. At the wedding, Edie is taking the opportunity to quaff some forbidden Scotch when Carlos shows up early and catches her. He holds up the birth control and tells her not to bother explaining. In full earshot of the wedding party, she runs after him, calling his name. She tells him she really does want to have a baby but that she wanted to give him a chance to fall in love with her first. He tells her he doesn’t believe her and he won’t ever trust her again and Edie dissolves in tears.

At the reception, Lynette wants to know when Bree’s due date and she vaguely answers, “the early fall” and changes the subject. Bree says she can’t believe everything she’s missed, especially with Susan and Gabrielle are both getting married. She asks Lynette what’s new and she states everything is fine. Gabrielle has gone to fetch Victor so he can meet Bree when she overhears Milton telling Victor that by marrying her, he’s secured the Latino vote and the Governor’s Mansion is “as good as his”. Victor’s not sure he can talk her into him running for Governor but Milton assures him that now that he’s her husband, the rules have changed and that a few pricey gifts will “tame that little spitfire”. Gabrielle leaves without letting on what she’s heard.

She sneaks into an unused room and finds Carlos downing champagne. He says he hopes he didn’t ruin her wedding, but that he’s also ruined his life. He laments that a few years ago he had it all - her, the home, the career - and now he has nothing. He’s sure she wants to go find Victor but instead she grabs him and kisses him passionately. Lynette keeps sniping at her mother and Stella asks her if she doesn’t think people can change. Lynette says they can’t, so her mother wonders what happened to Lynette, the perfect wife and mother, once Rick came along. Lynette swears nothing happened with Rick because she’s nothing like her mother. Stella reminds her that when she got breast cancer, Lynette told her it was “God’s punishment” and she asks Lynette if she feels she’s the one being punished now. Lynette orders her out and insists she doesn’t want her money but her mother refuses to go. Stella tells Lynette she can fight her, or she can fight the cancer, because she won’t have the strength to do both.

Julie welcomes Bree and Orson home and asks where Danielle is. Bree tells her that she’s spending a year abroad in Switzerland. Julie wonders why Danielle hasn’t returned any of her calls or emails and Andrew blames it on the poor reception in the Swiss mountains. “This might not be as easy as we’d hoped”, Bree frets after Julie leaves. Bree, pretending to be Danielle, types an email to Julie and just then Danielle calls from the nunnery where they’ve stashed her to ask to come home. Bree vows she’s not coming home until after the baby is born but that they’ll be up to visit her this weekend. She then removes her stomach padding and Orson notes that soon it will be time for the six-month size.

Susan feels so guilty that Mike fell asleep at the reception that she asks the reverend if he has time later that night. Mike receives another late-night plumbing call, but when he arrives at “Mrs. Walcott’s”, he finds the reverend with a suit. He leads Mike into a glade in the woods, where Susan is waiting for him in a white dress. He wants to know if she’ll really be okay with this simple ceremony and she says only one thing has stayed constant in her wedding plans which was him. He tells her he’s never seen her look so beautiful. Under the stars, with Julie as their witness, Mike and Susan finally become married.

Distraught over her breakup with Carlos, Edie leaves a note for him. Distressed over the break up, she steps onto a chair and attempts to hang herself.