Gossip

"Gossip" is the 67th episode of Desperate Housewives.

Teaser
"''The night of her engagement party Gabrielle Solis was injured"

Gabrielle is in Scavo Pizzeria and she is talking with some women while Lynette is putting a band-aid on her hand palm from the first aid kit.

"''but she wasn’t hurt by the chauffeur who almost slammed a door on her fingers,"

Gabrielle is shown entering a limo as the chauffeur almost slams her fingers in the door. "''or the stranger who almost stepped on her hand,"

Her tissue drops onto the floor and when she goes to pick it up, Rick almost steps on her hand. "''or the waiter who almost dropped a knife on her wrist."

Gabrielle is shown talking with some friends. The waiter loses his balance causing the knife to fall from the food he was carrying and lands on the table dangerously close to Gaby’s hand. "No, Gabrielle’s injury came about in a more unexpected fashion and was caused by someone Gabrielle thought was her friend"

Edie looks up at Gabrielle.

Lynette asks Gabrielle if she had told Bree about her engagement and Gabrielle tells her that she has and she sent a basket full of muffins from Swiss Alps. Lynette wants to open champagne but Gabrielle doesn’t want to be embarrassed by some sappy toast. Lynette tells her that she won’t but Susan has written a poem (Susan is testing the microphone) she is now preparing to “Wind beneath my wings”.

Lynette goes to grab champagne and Gabrielle encounters Edie. Edie tells her that she met Victor and that he is so handsome. Edie asks her if he is the one and if she is in love with him. Gabrielle tells her that he is amazing and that she had never been happier. Edie starts laughing and Gabrielle tells her if she is all right. Edie tells her that she is and Gabrielle tells her that she will find someone soon. Edie tells her that she found someone and he has been making her crazy and happy. Gabrielle wants to know who he is but Edie tells her that tonight is about her. Gabrielle tells her that it would make her happy to know who is making Edie happy. Edie tells her that it is Carlos. Gabrielle is in shock and Edie repeats it again and tells her that she had been seeing Carlos. Gabrielle is holding the glass and breaks it in her hand. Gabrielle looks at Edie who is talking with someone else.

"''And this is how Gabrielle Solis came to be injured, the night of her engagement party. And though she seemed to laugh it off, Gabrielle had been cut, much, much deeper than anyone could see."

- Mary Alice Young

Act I
"''Gossip. For most housewives, it’s just a harmless form of recreation. An exchange of semi-interesting tidbits concerning the semi-interesting lives of people they know."

- ]

Ida tells to someone that the mailman has been is Sarah’s house for over an hour and it seems that he is delivering something more. One lady tells to another that she could smell whisky on Amy’s breath and it wasn’t even noon yet. Edie tells to someone that Joanna may say that she had been of on a religious retreat but praying doesn’t make your boobs bigger.

"''But the time comes in every neighborhood when something very interesting happens and that’s when gossips stops being recreation and becomes…obsession."

- Mary Alice Young

Susan, Lynette and Gabrielle are looking at Karen’s house. Gabrielle asks them what kind of woman would keep her husband in a freezer and Susan adds that it is crazy and she had been holding him down there for ten years. Susan wants to know that if anyone had talked to her and Lynette tells her that she knocked twice but nobody opened. Susan thinks that she saw the curtains moved and Lynette is sad that Karen now knows that they are harassing her. Gabrielle tells her that they shouldn’t be embarrassed because she is the one who had been keeping a corpse in her freezer. Susan tells her that she baby sit her kids. Lynette doesn’t want to be reminded how many times she had brought ice creams from that freezer. Lynette tells that if she wants to keep her husband on ice she can at least dedicate him a new freezer. Susan asks them if they think that Karen actually killed her husband and Gabrielle is sure because there is no other way why would she hide the body. Lynette tells them that she had been charged so far with an improper disposal of the body corpse. Gabrielle tells them that once they do an autopsy they will find a belly full of arsenic. Parker is behind them and asks them what arsenic is. Lynette tells him that that is something disgusting and she tells him to go to play with his brother. Lynette tells them that she had been trying so hard to protect them from this and Susan tells her that maybe there is something they don’t need to know about. Gabrielle sees Edie taking out the garbage and she goes to talk with her.

Gabrielle asks her if she ever feels like people hate her. Edie tells her that she doesn’t. Gabrielle tells her that she should because they do hate her. Edie wants to know since when and Gabrielle tells her since she started doing things to piss people off. Edie wants to know about what and Gabrielle tells her dating friends’ exes. Edie figures out that Gabrielle doesn’t want her to see Carlos. Edie tells her that she is engaged to someone else and why would Gabrielle care. Gabrielle tells her that it is awkward. Gabrielle tells her that there are thousand single men if Fairview and she needs to find someone else and to stop snapping other people’s castoffs. Edie asks her what would happen if she keeps Carlos to herself. Gabrielle tells her to be prepared to suffer the consequences. Edie tells her that she is tall as her legs…what she will do. Gabrielle walks away and tells her that she is about to find out.

Susan and Julie are taking out groceries in the kitchen and someone rings the bell. Susan wants to know who is it and Susan peaks through the window and it is Ian with flowers. Susan doesn’t want to open and she hopes that the thorns will hurt him. Julie tells her that she knows that she is mad and Susan tells her that they bet her in a game of poker, they made a decision about her life over a five card stud and wrong can’t cover it. Julie tells her that there are only two men who know her completely and still found a way to love her and she will just throw them away. Susan tells her that she will and that she doesn’t need sex, she went without it for first 16 years,(Julie gives her a looks), 22 years of her life and she can go through a bit more. (Throughout the whole conversation Ian is stubbornly ringing the door bell). Julie looks through the window and sees Mike approaching. She tells Susan that this will be interesting.

Mike tells him to give it up because she didn’t answer the first ten times and she won’t answer the other ten times. Ian is constantly ringing the door bell. Mike tells him that this is getting sad and Ian is pissed of and tells him that he had it with him. Ian tells him that he liked him so much when he was pooping in the bag. Mike tells sadly for him he doesn’t have that bag right now. Ian throws the bouquet and he is about to fight with Mike but then Julie opens the door. Susan is hiding behind them and she is telling Julie what to say. Julie tells them that Susan would like both of them to leave. Susan tells her to be mad because they will be scared away. Julie tells them if they don’t Susan will be very disappointed. Susan tells her to rip them and Julie tells them to go home and think about what they done. Susan slaps her on her but and Julie tells her if she wants to bitch about something she can do it yourself. Julie closes the door. Mike and Ian go home.

Rick made ravioli stuffed with duck confit in a porcini cream sauce for both Lynette and Tom. Lynette tells him that it is amazing and Tom calls her on her cell. He tells her that he loves her and she asks him if the kids are still up. Tom tells her that they don’t want to go to bed because they want to wait for her. Lynette knows hi plan and he wants to make her guilty so she will rush home. Tom tells her that the pizzeria did close half hour ago and she lies to him and tells him that they are doing inventory so it could be a while before she goes home. Rick gives her a look. Lynette tells him that she chooses ravioli over motherhood and she wants to go home. Rick tells her that she doesn’t have to feel guilty because if anyone needs a little downtime it is her. Lynette stays with Rick and they are having dinner together.

Parker is sitting in front of the house and Tom tells him to go inside. Karen is cleaning her front door and Parker tells Tom that some kids threw eggs at her house and they should go help her and talk with her. Tom tells her that it is late and she doesn’t want to be bothered. They go inside the house and Karen and Tom exchange the look.

Gabrielle tells Susan and Lynette that they can’t talk with Edie. Gabrielle tells them that she betrayed her and Susan and Lynette are her best friends and they are going to support her. Susan thinks that acting like they are in junior high is not supporting. Gabrielle tells her that Edie dated Karl and Mike and Susan tells her that she is mad at them not at Edie because men are scum. Lynette tells her that she is not comfortable with that and Gabrielle tells her that she wasn’t comfortable when Lynette was feuding with Patty Monroe over the backyard fence line. Susan tells her that nobody liked Patty at first place. Gabrielle tells Susan that she is still boycotting Madame Kim’s day spa because of Susan botched bikini wax. Gabrielle tells them that good friends share more than just gossips…they share enemies. Lynette and Susan tell her that they will give Edie cold shoulder. Gabrielle tells them not cold but frozen as she wants to see icicles hanging from Edie’s ears.

Lynette is back home and she is about to go to work. Kayla is solving puzzle and Lynette asks her if she wants her to look at the book report and Kayla tells her that Tom helped her. Kayla tells that Tom does everything lately and why is Lynette every night so late at work. Lynette tells her that she is busy and laughs a little bit. Kayla tells her that she is lying because she always laughs like that when she is lying. Lynette tells her that she is the only one who can work at the pizzeria and she now has to go to the store to get groceries because she is also the only one who can do that and tells Kayla to go upstairs and finish the homework. Kayla goes upstairs but tells her that she is lying.

Susan is in the car and she is waiting for a car to move so she can get a parking space. Car moves but another car just rushes before her and parks on her parking space. Susan tells to the guy that that is her parking space and he tells her that he parked it here so it is his parking space. She tells him that she waited for the previous guy to make three phone calls and to floss his teeth so he can’t just steal it. The guy tells her that that is only the parking space and to control her hormones. She trips him and grabs his keys and she goes into his car and wants to move it. She opens the window and guy tries to grab the keys but she starts closing it and his head is stuck in. She wants of him to say that he is a rude arrogant bastard who needs to treat women with courtesy and respect and slaps him. Police comes and asks Susan if the guy is trying to steal his car but he says that she is trying to steal his. Police officers are confused and Susan tells them that they can take his side.

Edie is spying on Lynette (she is taking out groceries from her car) and when Carlos asks her what is she doing she tells him that Lynette didn’t return any of her phone calls and Carlos tells her that she is probably busy and Edie is about to test that. She calls Lynette but Lynette screens her. Edie is in shock and she knows that this is all Gabrielle’s work. Carlos tells her that it is her fault because he knew that she would react that way.

Edie goes to Lynette and tells her that she tried calling her and Lynette tells her that her ringer must have been off. Edie wants to invite her and boys to Travers’ birthday party and she will have a cool lizard guy. Lynette tells her that she has to work and Edie tells her that she had hoped that Lynette could cater. Lynette wants to cater and Edie tells her that if one kid has a pizza party everyone is going to want a pizza party and she will need at least twenty pizzas. Lynette tells her that they can work something out. Edie hugs her and walks away smiling.

Susan is in therapy and she says to her shrink that she doesn’t have anger issues. Her shrink tells her that she tried to decapitate a man over a parking space. Susan tells her that she was having a really bad day. The shrink tells her that when someone loses it like she did there is probably a reason. She asks her how are things going on at work and in family and Susan tells her that everything is fine. When she asks her how her love life is Susan starts crying. The shrink tells to her secretary to cancel her lunch because she will be here for a while.

Parker rings a door bell and Karen comes out yelling at him. She apologizes to him because she thought that he was one of those kids who rings the door bell and runs away. Parker tells her that she has to come back and baby sits them because the new sitter stinks. Karen is sad that they hired a new sitter. She tells him that life is like that sometimes and Parker tells her that if she just told people about her husband everything could be fine. She tells Parker to look at some women and tells him that nothing she could say would stop them from gossiping. She tells him that she is sorry and she has to wait this one out.

Susan is nervous and tells the shrink that she found out that two men she trusted bet her in a game of poker. Shrink tells her that men have been waging contest over women for centuries and poker is not as romantic as jousting but they both love her. She wants to know how Susan feels about them does. Susan tells her that she is feeling hurt and betrayed. Shrink wants to know how she felt before the poker revelation. She tells her that she was engaged to Ian so obviously she loved him and she loved Mike, so she is totally, hopelessly in love with two men. Susan tells her that she fell for Ian because she thought that Mike was lost to her and now he wants her back and she has to make a choice. If she chooses Mike Ian’s heart will be broken and he doesn’t deserve that but how can she reject Mike after all he has been through. Shrink now knows that Susan will let both of them go and that is just stupid…so she needs to choose.

Rick just finished some phone call and he tells Lynette that he wants to bring her to a new restaurant that his old friend Al opened. He tells her that they will go after they close but Lynette tells him that it is a little bit late for her. She tells him that she would love to go but Sunday nights are crazy because she has thousand mommy obligations. Rick tells her that she was a first person he thought of. She tells him that she will go because it is a part of job to check out the competition.

Everyone is at Travers’s birthday party in Wisteria Lane Park and Lynette is catering. Susan asks her what she is doing and Lynette tells her that Edie asked her to cater so it is just business. Edie tells Susan that she has thirty copies of her book and kids want her to sign it. Susan freaks out because what if Gabrielle sees them. Lynette tells her that she spoke with her today and she is out with Victor all day.

Susan sees Mike in front of his house.

Some kids are looking at Karen’s house and one of them goes and spells WITCH on her front door. Parker tells them not to do that because she is not a witch and one boy shoves him. Karen gets out of the house and kids all run away. Parker tells her that everything would be OK if she just told people what she told him because she can make them stop.

Gabrielle is back home and she calls Lynette on her cell and tells her that Victor had some political stuff to do and asks her if she would like to go to lunch because she tried Susan but she is not answering and then she sees both of their cars in the parkway and a lot of kids. Gabrielle is already pissed of and she is circling the park. Lynette sees her and she and Susan hide in a van full of snakes and stuff. They see Gabrielle and they can soon come out but then they see a big spider and they freak out and get out of the van screaming. Gabrielle approaches and she wants to know what they are doing here. They tell her that it is just business but Gabrielle wants an apologize. Edie tells Carlos to look at them and Carlos pisses off because she is ruining the birthday party. Carlos takes Gabrielle away and tells her that she is ruining birthday party. She tells him that betrayal makes her cranky. He tells her that she can’t tell Susan and Lynette who they are allowed to be friends with is ridiculous. Gabrielle tells him that he not having guts to tell her that he was seeing Edie is ridiculous. She tells him that she had to find out from her at her engagement party and Carlos tells her that he had to find out that she was engaged from the news. He asks her if she is in love with Victor and she tells him that she is deeply. Carlos is sad and when Gabrielle asks him the same he tells her that he and Edie are having fun together but it will never be serious. Gabrielle apologizes and Carlos walks away.

“And for the first time Gabrielle was willing to let Carlos be with someone else because she knew he still belonged to her.”

The party is over and they sort out the cakes that have not been eaten. Karen approaches and they all stare at her and Lynette offers her a cake. Karen tells them that she didn’t come her to eat because she knows that they have been talking about her and the only way to shut them up is to come clean and asks who would like to hear the gruesome details. Edie tells her that she would and so would Ida.

She tells them that she didn’t kill Gilbert. She came home from a weekend in Laughlin and found him in front of the TV dead. It was 2 in the morning so she waited the morning to call the funeral service. She went to his desk to make sure that everything was in order. She found his pension plan and in the event of his death she was not the beneficiary it was his first wife. He had been married to her for two years while Karen and Gilbert were in marriage for thirty four years and he forgot to change it. She not only lost Gilbert but she was about to lose everything….so she hid him in the freezer and kept caching the checks. She tells them that after a while it was nice having him around. She tells them that that is the truth and they have her permission to pass the story along.

Karen and Parker exchange look and they are both happy.

Susan comes to Mike and tells him that she was confused and she needs to talk with him.

Mike and Susan are sitting in front of the house and Mike is sad. Susan tells him that she is sure and she will marry Ian. Susan tells him that it was a difficult choice and Mike tells her that at least he has his memories.

Lynette and Rick are about to go to the restaurant and Lynette is putting some perfume and at that moment Tom surprises her with kids and him showing up at the pizzeria. He tells her that they all missed her and it has been a while since they had a family dinner. Tom tells her that he took a cab and they are all here. Lynette goes and tells Rick that the plan is changed. Kayla goes to grab plates and stuff and sees Lynette talking to Rick and he tells her that he will stay and cook for her. Lynette gives him a touch on his chest and Kayla already notices that something is happening between them.

Tom is back home and Kayla gives him a cup of water and she tells him that Lynette likes Rick. Tom tells her that he is a nice guy and Kayla tells him that she likes him, likes him. Tom is in shock and Kayla tells him that she just noticed that. She gives him a kiss and goes to her bedroom.

Susan and Ian are kissing in the living room and he is absolutely happy and he likes the sound of Susan Hainsworth but she can keep her name because he likes the sound of it too. She tells him to go upstairs and she will lock everything up down here and she will be right behind him. She listens to voice mail and Mike left the message and it says:

”Hey Susan I don’t mean to bug you but there is so much I didn’t get to say. I…God I’m lousy at goodbye’s. Anyway you will always be the best thing that ever happened to me and well I hope you find happiness you deserve. Bye. Oh this is Mike.”

Ian is behind Susan and Susan didn’t notice him and she listens to the message over and over again and when she decides do go upstairs Ian is packing things. Ian tells her that he is going home to England because this can’t work. Susan tells him that ten minutes ago he was making plans and was telling her how great they are going to be together. He tells her that he saw her listening to Mike’s message. She tells him that she made her choice but he tells her that she is just trying to keep up the promise. Susan tells him that she will get over him and Ian tells her that she had been trying to get over him since they met and he hasn’t been lucky. Susan tells him that she loves him but Ian points out that she loves Mike a little bit more. He tells her that he can’t live a life when wherever he sees her with a faraway look he will be wondering if she is thinking of him. He tells her that she deserves to be happy and so does he. He says good bye and walks away.

Karen it taking out a mail from mailbox and Lynette approaches and tells her that their new baby sitter isn’t working very well and asks her if she would like to come back. Karen asks her if she is sure about Wisteria Witch looking out for her children. Lynette tells her that her kids know that she is not a witch. Lynette tells her that they missed her. Karen tells her that she will need a raise though because she is strapped a little bit now.

Lynette is back home and she tells Tom that Karen will be back and Tom tells her that it is time for him to go back to work. Lynette tells her that the recovery takes six months and it has been only six weeks. He tells her that he will supervise and sprinkle cheese on pizza. He tells her that once he is back to work they can let Rick go. Lynette doesn’t want him to go but Tom points out that his salary is cutting their profits. Lynette tells him that they have so many new fans thanks to Rick and firing him would be a huge mistake. She tells Tom to rest and get better and goes to work and tells him that she will be late again tonight.

Mr. Hanley the postman mixed up mail again and Ida brings Susan’s mail to her. Ida tells her about Mike and he moved. Susan is in shock. Mona Clark was up in 2 in the morning with acid reflux and she saw Mike packing his car and everything and moving away. Susan tells her that he would always say goodbye. Ida tells her that he didn’t and according to Carlos something bad happened and he just wanted to go away. Ida tells her that it is pity because she always liked him. Susan is in shock and looks at Mike’s house. "Gossip. It’s just a harmless form of recreation. It’s careless talk that deals in polite fiction"

Two employees are talking in the pizzeria and one points out that if you want to be an assistant manager you would have to flirt with Mrs. Scavo, Rick overhears.

"It’s nasty speculation that’s based on not-so-polite fac"

Two women are speaking and one points out that Carlos may be seeing Edie but he is still in love with Gaby, Edie overhears.

"How do we protect ourselves from the venomous sting of such idle gossip?"

One kid is driving a bicycle and asks Karen who is cleaning her front door if she is the lady who kept her husband in a freezer

"The best way is to just tell the truth"

Karen tells him that she is and kid goes away "and wait for people to start talking about someone else."

- Mary Alice Young