Secrets That I Never Want to Know

"Secrets That I Never Want to Know" is the 158th episode of Desperate Housewives.

Summary
Carlos's murder of his wife Gabrielle's evil stepfather and the cover-up by the housewives has far-reaching effects, as feelings of guilt begin to overcome everyone in different ways. Gabrielle works to reach out to Carlos while his guilt weighs heavily upon him, and Susan starts to withdraw from her friends and family. As Lynette and Tom are grappling with their disintegrating marriage and impending separation, the former is having trouble making the right choices ever since she participated in the cover-up. And Bree must be especially careful around her new romantic interest, detective Chuck Vance. Meanwhile, a handsome new neighbor, Ben Faulkner, moves to town, and he's Renee's first order of business.

Previously on Desperate Housewives
"Bree's relationship with Detective Vance got serious. Tom and Lynette decided to separate. Gaby's step-father returned to terrorize her again. Until Carlos stopped him permanently. Yes, there was the dinner party."

- Mary Alice Young


 * Bree and Chuck share a passionate kiss. ("And Lots of Security...")
 * Tom and Lynette regretfully decide to split. Lynette worries about how their children will react. ("Come on Over for Dinner")
 * Gabrielle's evil step-father, Alejandro, returns and attacks Gaby in her own home. ("Come on Over for Dinner")
 * Carlos whacks Alejandro over the head, killing him. ("Come on Over for Dinner")
 * Bree, Lynette and Susan all agree to help Gabrielle and Carlos by hiding Alejandro's body. ("Come on Over for Dinner")

Teaser
"Every hostess knows there's work to be done after the guests leave a party. And only the best of friends will stay long after the party is over to help clean up the mess."

Gabrielle stands on her doorstep, cheerfully waving goodbye to her party guests. Once out of sight, Gaby quickly dashes back in side, closes the door, and her expression changes to that of fear. She heads into the lounge and dining area where the gals are surrounding the wooden chest which is concealing the body. Bree flips open the lid revealing the body of Alejandro, wrapped up in a table cloth. They all look at each other, frightened.

"They help with the heavy lifting, they work together to lighten the load, they take on the most unpleasant tasks. And of course, there's no task more unpleasant than getting rid of an unwanted guest."

Carlos, Gabrielle and Lynette load the body into the back of the latter's car, as Susan and Bree keep lookout. In the woods, the group carries the body to where it'll be buried. Bree and Carlos then begin to dig a hole. Once the hole is dug, the body is tossed into the ditch.

As Carlos heads off, the housewives all start bickering. Susan and Lynette are deeply upset about the situation. Just then, a mobile phone begins to ring. It's coming from down inside the hole. Gabrielle, who thought she'd removed all of Alejandro's possessions before the burial, reaches down to retrieve the phone. Susan begins to argue again before Bree informs her that everything will be okay. Gaby checks who was calling - 'Home.' Susan says that Alejandro obviously had people who cared about him and who, once they discover that he's dead, will come looking for them. Bree reluctantly asks Susan what to do. Susan says there is still time to go to the police but Gabrielle refuses as Carlos will be arrested. "People always get caught!", Susan tells them frantically as Bree looks on. "We're not criminals! We drive carpool!", she continues. Bree tells her that Alejandro was a bad man, who attacked their friend, whose husband protected her and that they must doing everything they can to protect them. Susan isn't pleased. "That means we tell no one. Not the police. Not our families. No one.", Bree adds sternly. "When we bury the body, we bury the secret... forever."

Bree puts her hand out and looks at Gaby who does the same. The pair then look at Lynette, who moves forward and places her hand on top of Bree and Gaby's. Susan is reluctant but finally agrees. Bree and Gaby then start to shovel dirt on top of the body, filling in the ditch, as Susan and Lynette look away in horror.

"Yes, it's always the best of friends who stay long after the party is over to help clean up the mess. Even when that mess may be bigger than they bargained for."

- Mary Alice Young

Act I
"It has been said that change doesn't happen overnight. But over the course of a month, it's amazing how much the ground can shift beneath us."

We see the spot where Alejandro was buried in the woods. The dirt can be easily distinguished from the rest of the ground, for it is not yet covered with grass. However, as Mary Alice talks, buds of grass start springing up.

"A woman who helped conceal a crime is now sleeping with a detective."

Bree is seen in bed with Chuck. They are both turned to each other. He's smiling at her, but she doesn't look so happy somehow. However, she caresses his cheek with her hand.

"A man who used to look forward to bed time is now finding himself dreading it."

Carlos is seen in bed with Gabrielle. They are snuggled together while she sleeps. However, he is well awake, and clearly discontent.

"A woman who once told her husband everything is now keeping a terrible secret."

Susan is seen in bed with Mike. He is sleeping and holding on to her, but she is also awake, lying in his embrace and looking worried. She then gets up from the bed, without waking him up, and leaves.

"And a couple who've decided to separate is now going to great lengths to show that nothing has changed."

- Mary Alice Young

Tom is seen in a singles' bed, slowly waking up. He looks at the clock on a table near his bed, and it shows it's a little over five past seven in the morning. With this notion he is suddenly all woken up, and the next shot is one of him rushing to get back home. It is revealed he's been sleeping in Bree's former office. He shuts the door behind him, with his shirt still unbottoned, and rushes downstairs whilst finishing putting on his pants. His feet are still bare as well, and he brings a coat with him and the tie loose around his neck. As he runs towards his house, he stomps his foot on a sprinkler, and yells out "Son of a...", before proceeding with his march. When he approaches his house, he looks through the glass on the door and sees that Lynette, Parker and Penny are all up already. The kids are sitting at the table, having breakfast, with their backs turned to the door. Lynette notices Tom outside and signals him to get inside the house. Tom looks a bit frustrated, until he notices his car parked outside of the garage and gets an idea. Shortly afterwards, he gets inside the house, all dressed up (minus the shoes), and bringing with him a cup of coffee. He tells the family he got up early so he thought he'd get his wife some good coffee because she deserves it. Lynette tells him she needs it too, as she didn't get any sleep the previous night, but he wouldn't know that, as he was there. Tom hands her the coffee and quietly tells her not to drink it, as it's been in his car for three days. Parker asks his father where his shoes are, and Tom says "It's casual Friday... casual Thursday". Penny gets up and tells Parker to come with her, otherwise they're gonna miss the bus. They get their stuff and leave, and Tom tells them, with a big smile, he'll see them at dinner. Lynette, also with a big smile, tells them she loves them.

As soon as the door shuts, the act is over, as Tom sits down, losing the smile, and announces to Lynette that he practically lost a toe out there. His wife tells him that wouldn't have happened hadn't he overslept. Tom tells her she "took the good alarm clock, along with the good pillow, and the house!" Tom then tells her what they're doing is ridiculous: they have to tell the kids they are separated. Lynette says they will, but this next weekend is Gabrielle's big barbecue party, and she doesn't wanna ruin it for them. Tom reminds her that the previous weekend the excuse was a basketball tournament, and the weekend before that it was Penny's birthday... He then asks her if she's sure this all is about the kids, and she asks him what else it could be about. He doesn't answer, but she soon picks up on what he meant, and reassures him that nothing's changed and they still need time away from each other. Tom says he agrees, and adds that they have a lot of problems to work out, but then asks why they can't tell the kids about said problems. Lynette lets out that she thinks they deserve one more happy weekend before they tear their family apart. Tom starts saying something, but Paige's cry is heard over the baby monitor, and so Lynette leaves.

After seemingly having had sex, Bree and Chuck are sitting in the bed, together, and he tells her not to take what he's about to say the wrong way, but she could do it professionally. Bree tells him that coming from a man who's on a first-name basis with half the hookers in Fairview, that's quite a compliment. He tells her that he was thinking that maybe the coming weekend they could head back to some place in the mountains, just the two of them, but even though Bree finds that lovely, she reminds him that Gabrielle is having her annual barbecue that Saturday. He asks his lover if he's invited, and Bree finds this odd, assuring him he is, and asking why he wouldn't be. Chuck tells her her friends don't like him, as he gets out of bed, and Bree tells him he's imagining things. Chuck says, while putting on his pants, that it's true, they don't talk to him, they don't make eye contact, and it's been that way for weeks, ever since the night of the dinner party. Bree has an apparent epiphany, as though she understands exactly what is going on, but tries to cover it up by asking him why he would say that. Chuck, putting on his shirt, tells her he's a cop, so he's got an eye for human behavior, and that night was when everything changed. As he sits on the bed and finishes buttoning up the shirt, he reveals that he just can't figure out why, and that he went over that night hour by hour... Bree interrupts him, telling him to stop going over that night, because nothing happened, but he says he's not feeling it. Bree leans toward him and asks if he's feeling this, before she takes him by the hair and starts kissing his neck and caressing his chest. He tells her he understands what's going on, she's distracting him with sex, and if that's the case... "bring it on", he says, before grabbing her and allowing them to fall back on the bed.

On the Solis bed, Carlos appears to have finally slept for a while, but suddenly Juanita bursts in and jumps onto the bed, telling them she made them waffles. Gaby, still sleepy, turns to the other side and tells her daughter to come back when she learns how to make mimosas. She tells them to come with her, as she's left Celia alone with the waffles and if they don't hurry there won't be any left. All the while she's jumping on the bed, and Carlos completely wakes and yells "Damn it, Juanita, that's enough! Get out of here, now!"; Juanita looks sad and leaves their bed and room, and Gaby looks at her husband with surprise and disappointment. Carlos tells Juanita from a distance that he's sorry, and Gabrielle asks him why he's been so short-tempered lately. Carlos says "Gosh, I don't know... maybe I'm upset about my golf swing, or the economy, or maybe it's because I killed a guy." Gaby pats him and says that she gets it, but they have to move on with their lives. He asks her if she doesn't think he wants to, following that up by saying that he just can't stop thinking about it, and that no matter what he does it's this horrible thing that is always there. He then adds that he needs to talk to someone. Gabrielle jokes that she knows a guy named Tom Collins who is a great listener, and Carlos says that he meant Father Dugan. She asks if he's crazy, because he can't tell anyone, that would be too risky. Carlos reminds her that a priest can't share what one says in confession, and Gabrielle asks him if he's sure the priest isn't just gonna make him feel guiltier, which is usually their thing. Carlos gives her a look, and his wife tells him "fine", they can go see they the priest. He insists that he has to, because he's turning into a terrible husband and father, and he needs to get this off his conscience, because it's tearing him apart. He then gets up from his bed and Gaby, looking sad, sighs.

Mike wakes up because of a screeching sound, and notices his wife is scrubbing the windows. He asks her what she's doing, and she tells him she was looking at the window and noticed dust in the corner of each windowpane, which drove her nuts. He sits on the bed and asks her what's going on, because there's a lot of weird stuff she likes to do in the bedroom, but cleaning... not so much. She tells him, with a smile, that she couldn't sleep. He says that's been happening a lot lately, she doesn't sleep, she doesn't eat, she never leaves the house... Susan tells him that's not true, considering she's substitute teaching that day. He tells her that's great, but then asks if she had a fight with the girls. She is surprised by this question, and asks him why he would say that. He reminds her that a month before she was so excited to move back to the lane, but now she never sees them: no coffee, no poker, no bitching about the husbands over coffee and poker. Susan approaches him and says the girls and her are fine, and he says "Then what is it? Come on, Susan, it's me. You can tell me anything."

Susan is hesitant, and then tells him she's going for a run, before kissing his lips. He isn't particularly happy about this, and she reminds him that he said she should get out of the house more. She then gets into tbe bathroom and shuts the door, before Mike lets himself fall back to the bed, apparently having given up. Susan is then seen running, with a sports attire, in the woods. She heads to the place where Alejandro was buried, looks at the now partially grass-covered spot, sighs and appears frustrated.

Act II
Back on Wisteria Lane, we see Gabrielle, Bree and Lynette together, holding coffee mugs in their hands, while they watch as a group of movers take some furniture into the house previously owned by Felicia Tilman. Renee approaches and greets them, asking them what they know about the new guy, to which Gaby replies "Definitely rich, check out the car." (cut to the neighbor's car, a seemingly brand new blue model), and Bree adds "Definitely single, check out the fish." (cut to two movers carrying on their shoulders a big decorative swordfish. Lynette says "Rich and single. I wonder what he looks like. You rarely get the trifecta." Renee says "What's your guess? Wonky eye, rabbit teeth, comb-over, one normal eyebrow, one really big one... baby hands?" The women all look at her, surprised at her vast knowledge of possible lowsy physical traits in a man, and she reveals that she once had it all in a single guy, and it didn't end well. The women chuckle, and Gaby tells them she actually saw their new neighbor that morning, and he's 6'1", 1,90, and he was wearing a great-looking pair of jeans (while she says this, Ben Faulkner approaches them from behind), which revealed something about him that wasn't wonky (clearly referring to his penis; this part clearly catches Ben's attention). Renee and Gaby laugh out loud, Lynette laughs as well, and Bree is just uncomfortable as she has noticed Ben is behind them. She tries to call Gaby's attention to him, but Gaby misunderstands her and says that she is married but no dead, meaning she can still imagine all the dirty things she'd do the new guy.

Ben asks her "Like what?", and Gaby is scared, shouting out "Oh, God!". The three women all turn to him, and Gaby starts up a nervous laugh, while Lynette subtly looks at Ben's crotch. Gaby then extends her hand to him and introduces herself as "Susan Delfino", prompting the other ladies to disguise a laugh, and he introduces himself as well. Lynette greets him, and he turns to Gaby and says that he's actually 6'2", he hasn't been 1,90 since he played rugby (he thanks her anyway), and in regard to the jeans, he could never figure out why they cost 200 bucks, but now he knows. He smiles as they laugh, and he then cuts his way through them and heads inside the house. Renee tilts her head towards them and says "Dibs", before leaving the group, as the women laugh quietly, and Bree then says "Look who's out". Susan is seen jogging on the other side of the street, moving toward her house, and Gaby yells at her, catching her attention. Bree asks if she'd like to join them for coffee, but Susan tells them she's sorry but she can't talk, as she's subbing that day and she's running late. She then enters her house and Bree asks if anyone's talking to her. Lynette says she tried, but Susan's not returning her calls, and Gaby says "Same here, she's obviously avoiding us. I'm telling you, that is one loose cannon." Bree says they have to get her back in the fold, as this is too risky. Lynette turns to Bree and adds "Says the woman who is dating a cop."; Bree asks if it ever occurred to them that it might be good to keep him close, because if there is ever an investigation, she will be the first one to know. They give her a look, and Bree adds that she's doing this for them. Lynette asks her friends if Chuck's that good in the sack, and Bree tells her she has no idea, trying to hold back a smile, along with a guilty face.

Susan is in her classroom, along with Juanita and several other classmates of hers. Susan tells the kids that as soon as they finish their worksheet on ladybugs they can go outside and try to find some. Juanita turns to the back of the classroom as Mrs. Henderson walks in, greeting Susan and asking her how it is going. Susan says "Good. It's nice to be back. To be honest, I've been feeling a little down lately, this is just what I needed." Mrs. Henderson apparently sympathizes with her, but Juanita calls her and announces that Cupcake (the class hamster) is not moving. Susan tells her she's probably sleeping, but Juanita reveals that she poked her with the pencil a couple of times, and adds that "She's D-E-A-Dead." The kids are surprised by this and get up from their desks, as Susan tries to maintain order by telling them that she knows what to do. However, she quickly turns to Mrs. Henderson and asks "Oh, my God, what do I do?". Mrs. Henderson tells her there's a little spot in the garden where they bury the class pets. The word "bury" strikes a spark with Susan. Her colleague suggests that she has a little funeral and say a few words, but advises her not to mention God, because Amanda's parents are atheist lawyers and major douches. She then leaves the classroom, and Susan looks very preoccupied.

At the Catholic church, Father Benson opens the sliding window of the confessionary where he is sitting across next to Carlos, separated by the division. Carlos makes the sign of the cross on his face and says "Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been a while since my last confession", rather quickly. He hears the voice of the father saying "Continue, my son"... and then immediately holding back his laughter. "My son...", he goes on to say, "I'm sorry, it's just you're like a thousand years older than me." Carlos opens his sliding door to reveal a younger priest. He asks who the man is, and asks for Father Dugan's whereabouts. Father Benson explains that Dugan is leaving on sabbatical, which is fun for him and fun for Benson too, because this is his first week of confessions. Carlos asks "It is?", to which he replies "Yeah. And man, the things I've heard. There was a lady yesterday who..."; then, Father Benson interrupts himself, reminded that he can't say it. Carlos tells the priest he'll come back, but as he prepares to leave Gabrielle barges in and keeps him from going anywhere, and he reminds her that he told her to stay in the car, to which she responds that he is not to snap at her. He's been saying he wants to talk someone, so he should just talk to this guy, who seems perfectly enthusiastic. Benson tilts his head positively, and Carlos says that he's 12 years old. Father Benson becomes convinced that what they came there to share must be awesome, and then reveals that he's so bummed he can't tweet anymore. Carlos says that if it's not Father Dugan hearing him out, then he doesn't want to confess. He then shuts the sliding window, and Benson is left there, saying "Nuts. I was really hoping this would be a good one." Gabrielle then slides the window open again and says "I made out with two chicks once in college." She then shuts the window again. Benson says to himself, before smiling, "This job rocks!".

The kids, including Juanita, are all gathered around a small garden plot in the schoolground. Susan is kneeled by the plot, frozen, holding a small trowel. Juanita says "I don't know if you've ever buried anything before, but you have to dig a hole." Susan hesitantly says "Right. Of course. I knew that." She then proceeds to dig said hole in the plot, telling the kids "It's funny the way life turns out sometimes, isn't it? I mean, I wasn't even supposed to be here today. Once again in the wrong place at the wrong time." Juanita looks confused. Susan fights to hold back the tears as she says "Now I have to carry this around with me for the rest of my life." Juanita tells her not to be sad, because Cupcake was kind of a bad hamster: she had three babies and ate them. Susan turns to her and says "But does that mean she deserved to die? We don't get to make that call, Juanita. We're not God!". She then turns to a little girl, teary-eyed and angered, and says "That's right, Amanda, I said it." Amanda and Juanita exchange a confused look. Susan picks up the dead hamster, drops it into the hole and starts crying yet again, saying "Oh, what have I done?". Juanita tells her it's not her fault, and Susan responds by saying "I know it's not my fault, but try telling that to Cupcake's family when they show up looking for her.". Susan then quickly covers up the hole with the trowel. She then gets up and says "There. We're done. Now let's all slap on a happy face and pretend like it's never happened." She walks away, and the kids are still unclear on what just happened.

Act III
It's night time on Wisteria Lane, and Susan opens the front door of her house to see Gabrielle standing on the porch, holding two drinks in her hand. She gleefully asks if she can come in, and Susan tells her that she doesn't really feel like drinking. Gabrielle says "Great" and promptly poors one of the drinks into the other, leaving one glass empty and the other glass, hers, completely filled up. She walks into Susan's home and says "So, were you two close?"; Susan doesn't understand, and Gabrielle reveals that she was referring to Susan and Cupcake, because Juanita told her what happened. Susan seems uncomfortable, and Gaby tells her, with a rather sarcastic tone, that she assumes the two of them had a lot of common, such as having gone to college, having backpacked through Europe... Susan explains to her that the situation hit her in a weird way. A sympathetic Gabrielle puts down her drink and tells her friend that she's worried about her, because she stopped hanging out with her friends and wigged out at a rat's funeral. This all is making Gaby nervous. Susan tells her, also sarcastically, that she's sorry she's not handling being an accessory to murder as well as the rest of her girlfriends. Gabrielle looks back to see if anyone's there, and then turns back to Susan and quietly begs her to remain silent, because her husband's life is on the line, and if anything should happen, what would be of her and her girls? Gabrielle then tells her she understands her friend is having a hard time, but she has to hold it together. Susan claims she is trying. Gabrielle tells her to try harder; she then leaves, taking the two glasses with her. Susan sighs.

Bree is cooking when Chuck comes home, and he smells something familiar. She tells him it's cookies with white chocolate and macadamian nut, his favorite. He grabs one cookie, tells her she's now his favorite, and kisses her on the neck. She asks him how his day went, and he says it was terrific, that he found a dead body. This bit of news prompts Bree to drop her scoop out of shock. He notices her reaction and apologizes for having said that, realising she doesn't want to hear this. Bree tells him she does want to, and that his work is fascinating. She then asks him where exactly he found this body, and when he reveals it was in a warehouse by the docks, she is very relieved. Chuck goes on to say that now he's a big hero because he cracked a case the guys at Newhaven P.D. had been working on for months. Bree tells him "Oh, good for you.", and he explains to her that he got lucky, because all he did was notice a Sedan with a Connecticut plate and lots of tickets on the windshield, so he asked himself "who owns that car?". Bree has a realisation: the dead man had a car. Chuck says "Exactly, the killers did everything right, but they forgot to get rid of the victim's ride.". Bree claims the killers are idiots, with a worried look on her face.

The following day, Bree and Gabrielle are looking around the neighborhood for Alejandro's car, with Bree repeatedly clicking on a remote control set of car keys. She says to Gaby: "So you kept his keys, but it never occurred to you he might have a car?"; Gaby replies that she just threw all his stuff on their safe, and she didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. A car is heard being unlocked, and they spot it: they've found Alejandro's car. They head over to it, and Gabrielle asks what the plan is. Bree tells her they'll drop it off at the bad part of town and let social decay take its course. She then proceeds to remove all the fliers that have been left in the windshield, and Gabrielle asks her if she has to tidy up, then telling her to get inside the car, because if anybody catches them in that car, they're dead. Bree takes the fliers, opens the door on the driver's side and looks inside.

She is horrified to see it has a stick gear, and she turns to Gabrielle and says she can't drive a stick, then asking if she can. Gaby says she once did in high school, and it's easy, it's just one extra pedal. Later, the two of them are inside the car, with Gaby on the driver's seat, trying to control it, but to no avail. She keeps speeding and stopping, as she can't get it to work properly. She tells Bree it was easier when she was drunk. They then hear a cop siren, and are worried sick. A police car approaches them from behind, and Gaby asks her friend if she should "gun it". Bree says "Gun it? You can't even drive it!"; she then parks the car, and the cop vehicle stops behind them. The man who shows up on their window says "I thought that was you." The women look at him, and it's Chuck. He smiles at the two of them. Bree says "Chuck. Look, Gaby, it's Chuck." Gabrielle can't let out an understandable reaction. He tells them he saw they were struggling, and then asks whose car that is. Bree and Gabrielle answer at the same time, but give him different responses: Bree says it's her friend's car, and Gaby says it's her aunt's. Chuck looks at the two of them, and Bree explains that it belongs to Gabrielle's aunt, who happens to be a friend of hers. Gaby says it's aunt Shirley. She explains to Chuck that Shirley came over the night before for book club, and Bree adds that she had a little too much to drink, which Gaby says is "classic Shirley", so they told her they'd bring her car back that day. Bree says that Shirley's waiting for them, so they should scoot. Chuck says "No way. I'll drive."; Bree asks him "What?", and Chuck explains that the way they were going they'd kill someone. He then turns to his police partner and tells him (Bob) to go, and that he'll meet him back at the police station. Bob drives away, although Gaby yells at him not to go. Chuck opens the door to the driver's side, and a nervous Gaby smiles and says to Bree: "Okay, a roadtrip. In this neat old car, with your cop boyfriend. Fun!"; Bree is uncomfortable.

Later on, the three of them are sitting in the car, driving off, with Chuck behind the steering wheel. He asks where Shirley lives, and Gaby says "Yeah, Bree, where does she live?", to which Bree replies "Why are you asking me? She's your aunt."; Gaby tells Chuck to keep driving, and she'll tell him when to turn. Chuck notices something on the door and says "Huh, that's interesting.", to which Bree impulsively responds "No, it's not!"; her reaction takes him by surprise, and she quickly changes her demeanor, saying "I mean, huh, what is?". Chuck shows her a sports cap and says "Oklahoma City Red Hawks? (to Gaby) Is your aunt a fan?". Gaby says "Oh, yeah, Shirley loves that... huh... sport." He takes a small jar filled with a blue liquid and says "And... men's cologne?". Bree tells him Shirley's a lesbian. Gaby says she could have been married, but no, she's a lesbian. With this said, she gives Bree a "seriously?" kind of look, and Chuck notices something else, which leads him to say "So this aunt, or, friend, who's a men's cologne-wearing lesbian... she also likes to chew tobacco?"; with this said, he reveals a pack of chewable tobacco he just found, and the women are on their toes again. He adds that he's never ever met a woman who likes to chew. Gaby says she chews tobacco and she's a woman, and she takes the pack from his hand, immediately opening it and stuffing her mouth with several pieces of it. She says that all that's missing is a glass of Chardonnay. However, she soon puts on a weird look as she starts to quietly spit out pieces of gum. Bree is heard saying she keeps telling her to quit. She's asked her if she wants mouth cancer, but she won't listen. When she hears this, Gaby is taken by surprise and almost chokes on her chewable tobacco. Chuck notices the sound she makes and asks her if she's okay. Gaby replies that she is, but quickly changes her mind, telling him to pull over. Chuck turns to the right and parks the car, and Gaby rushes out of it and to a garbage bin. She tells Chuck, who gets out of the car too, that Shirley likes plain tobacco but she prefers chocolate. She then hurls out the tobacco, and Chuck is noticeably disgusted.

In the car, a worried-looking Bree is startled by an assailant who steps in, yielding a gun, and telling her to get out. Bree asks "What?", and he tells her he's taking her car. Bree is filled with joy, and tells the carjacker she could kiss him. The man doesn't understand her reaction, and tells her to just get out. Bree shooshes him, telling him to keep his voice down because the man behind them is a cop. The carjacker is scared, and starts to get out of the car, but Bree stops him, saying "When you start something, young man, you see it through."; she then unbuckles herself and gets out the car, telling the man to "buckle up". He does so, and drives away, with a confused look on his face. Gaby and Chuck are surprised to see the car in motion, and he asks his girlfriend what happened. Bree thinks about it for a second and tells them Shirley just happened to be walking by. Chuck and Gaby are still confused, and Bree crosses her arms and asks her lover if he thinks his friend Bob could give them a ride home. Chuck tells the girls he'll call them, and walks away to make said phone call. Bree lets out a sigh of relief, and an angered Gaby asks "So how's that 'dating a cop while covering up a murder' working out for you?".

Act IV
Lynette is walking Paige in her little stroller and she encounters Renee, who is sporting a sexy blouse that shows off her nice cleavage. Lynette says "Hey, Renee... ladies." - cleary referring to her friend's breasts, and Renee stops and tells Lynette not to distract her bosoms, as they've got important work to do: she's on her way to see the new neighbor (Ben), and give him a ride on the old welcome wagon. Lynette understands that she means she'll hit on Ben, and tells her that was fast, as she didn't know they were even talking to each other. Renee tells her they aren't, and thus Lynette asks her what makes her so sure he'll be interested. She sighs, looks at her boobs and says "Hear that, ladies?", then looks back at her friend and says "Watch and learn. I will show you some of my secrets.".

With this, she walks up to Ben's door, as Lynette watches and smiles. She bangs on the door, and Ben quickly opens it. He doesn't say a word, and Renee greets him and tells him she's gonna save them some time, adding that he's single and she's single, she's hot and he's hot, and assuming he's not gay, something his shoes tell her otherwise (Ben looks at his shoes), and therefore they could do that thing where they flirt for a few weeks, he could look at her ass getting the mail - something she does four times a day, or he could just invite her in for coffee, right then. Ben dismissively says "Thanks for the offer, but I'm good.", and proceeds to shut the door; however, he is stopped by Renee, who asks him if he got that when she mentioned "coffee", she actually meant sex. He sarcastically tells her she was subtle, but, yeah, he got it. He gets a look on his face that lets on that he thinks what just happened was abnormal, and shuts the door in her face. Renee then walks back out of Ben's frontyard, looking down, and Lynette says "Wow, you should write a book. Otherwise, when you die, your secrets will die with you."; she then goes about her walk and Renee looks down.

Gabrielle runs into Father Dugan, who's coming out of the church and strolling around a suitcase, and she tells him she's so glad she caught him. She says she doesn't know if he remembers her, to which he replies "Gabrielle Solis. I assume you've come to apologize for taking a phone call during my Easter sermon." She apologizes to him, but explains that if one doesn't confirm those spa appointments, they lose them. She then explains to him that she came there about Carlos, who needs his help. Father Dugan explains that he'd love to help Carlos, who is a good man, but she's too late. She tells him he's the one who kept blabbing during his sermon that it is never too late to confess one's sins. She then boasts that she can listen and take calls, while the minister gives his suitcase to the driver of the airport shuttle, who's putting the luggage in the back of the van. He then tells Gabrielle that's true, because God waits till the heart is ready, but the airlines are a little stricter, and he's not going overseas in the middle seat. He then enters the van and the shuttle driver asks Gabrielle if she'll be getting on too. She says she is, but she couldn't manage her bag. She tells the man to be a dear and grab it for her, and he gets back into the church's area.

Gaby then gets into the shuttle, and Father Dugan asks her what she's doing. She buckles up and tells him she's taking him to the airport, with one quick detour. She starts the engine and drives away, with the shuttle driver getting outside and running after the van, yelling for it to stop. Father Dugan tells Gaby "Are you crazy? I can't miss my plane!", to which she replies "Well, I'm sorry if I'm trying to get you to do God's work, instead of going on your dream vacation to..."; Dugan completes the sentence with "Rwanda. Where I'll be digging wells. For leppers." Gaby says his little friends are gonna have to wait. She then hears someone saying "Excuse me.", and she is startled. In the back of the van, we see a young couple. Gaby asks where they came from, and the man, Jeff, tells her they're going on their honeymoon, whereas the woman, Ally, adds that they can't have any detours, as it is said that they have to get to the airport three hours early to catch international flights. Gaby says "Oh, honey, relax. Since we caught Bin Laden, you can stroll on the plane anytime you want."; as she keeps driving, Father Dugan gives her a weird look.

At the Solis home, in the living room, Carlos explains to Father Dugan that he's done something, and he's afraid it's unforgivable. The priest tells him God can forgive us for anything, if we're willing to show that we are truly repentant. Carlos asks how, and Dugan explains to him that it's not by what we say, it's by what we do. "For instance, if we were talking about a crime...", he says, catching Carlos' attention, "...then confessing to the authorities would prove the intentions of our heart.". A hesitant Carlos then tells him that's not an option, as there are other people involved, innocent people. Father Dugan explains that he can't ask to be absolved for a sin that he intends to keep hidden. Carlos thinks about it for a while, lets out a sustained smile, as though he's aware there's no salvation for him, and then tells the priest he should go, or he's gonna miss his flight. Father Dugan tells him he doesn't want to leave him, not until he's sure Carlos will be okay. Carlos says "Father Dugan, I don't see any way that I am ever going to be okay."; Father Dugan, after a while, gets up and shakes hands with Carlos, while it is revealed to us that a very worried Gabrielle had been listening to their conversation from the entrance of the house.

That night, Carlos is sitting on his bed, in the dark, thinking. Gabrielle comes in and catches his attention; she walks up to her husband and sits beside him, taking his arm and saying "I wish I could make you stop thinking about this.". Carlos says "Yeah, me too.". He then says he doesn't even know what he was looking for, as there is no absolution for this thing. He just has to live with it. Gaby gets her feet up on the bed, positions herself behind him, caressing him, and then telling him, with a sad face: "Every noise I'd hear at night, it was him... every dark alley I passed, he was waiting for me. When I lied in bed, I was afraid he'd come find me. He was in my dreams, in my nightmares, I couldn't escape him. That's what I had to live with... until now. For the first time, I'm not scared. And you did that for me.". Carlos says "Yeah... by taking a man's life.", and Gabrielle, with her hand in his, says "Yes, you may have taken a life, but you also saved one. So if it's absolution you're looking for, I give it to you."; he then turns to look at her, and they kiss.

In the dark, we see some steps and a banister from a flight of stairs. Feet come walking up said stairs, and then a shot of the back of the man who's walking up the stairs is seen. The man walks up to a door, when he reaches for the knob, blood is seen in the door's frame. The door opens, and it is revealed that the man is a dirt-covered and angry-looking Alejandro. Lynette immediately wakes up from this horrid dream. She's sitting in her bed, pressing her sheet against her chest, and looking terrified. She gasps a few times, looks at the door to the bedroom in front of her, and whipes her mouth with her hand. She is then seen looking through the bedroom's window. Across the street, the lights are on in Bree's office.

Banging is heard on the door of said office, and Tom peeks through the window and opens the door to his wife. Lynette is sweaty and teary-eyed, and Tom asks if everything's okay with the kids. Lynette tells him the kids are fine, and she just... Tom interrupts her, asking whether something happened, and she tells him she really needs him. She promptly hugs him, and he hugs her back. They then let go a little bit, and stare at each other's faces. They then lean toward one another, and kiss passionately.

Act V
The following morning, we see clothes spread over the floor of Bree's office, and Tom and Lynette have been sleeping together. Tom tells her "Good morning.", and Lynette says it back. She then realizes what time it is, and panicks. Shortly afterwards, the two of them are seen rushing out of the office, in a manner similar to the way Tom did it before. They run down the stairs, take a turn, and Tom tries to warn Lynette about the sprinkler, but to no avail, as she stomps her foot against it anyway. He tries to help her as she screams out in pain, but she then tells him she's okay and they continue rushing home. They get in, quietly, and are relieved to see that the kids aren't up yet. They give each other a high-five, and walk up to the kitchen. Tom tells her he'll start the coffee, to which she replies "Okay, you read my mind."; she sits down, and he tells her they have to talk about the night before. Lynette agrees. He tells her that if she wants to get back together, he's open to that, but they have serious problems that are going to require serious work. Lynette looks guilty. She then pausedly explains to him that what happened that night was not about them getting back together. A surprised and disappointed Tom then asks her what it was about, and she embarrassingly explains to him that she had a nightmare. He lashes out at her, and she tells him he doesn't understand what's going on, she's been having a lot of nightmares lately, she's going through a very difficult time and that's why she wanted him nearby: having him across the street made her feel secure.

Tom angrily tells her that when people feel scared they buy a nightlight, they do not have sex with the people they're supposed to be separated from. Lynette doesn't know what to say, and then the kids come down the stairs. Penny cheeringly tells her parents she wants French toast, and Parker promptly says that he hates French toast and therefore he'll have pancakes. Tom catches their attention, and announces that there's something he and their mom need to tell them. A depressed Lynette realizes the time has finally come, and says "Yeah."; the kids look worried, and Lynette says "Why don't we all sit down?". They do so, and the talk begins.

Susan is lying in bed, and Mike comes out of the bathroom, buttoning up his shirt. He notices her attire, and asks her if it's not too casual, even if they are only going to a barbecue. Susan says she doesn't think she's gonna go this year, and tells him to go without her. He sits on the bed and asks her if he needs to be worried. She reminds him that she told him she's fine. He says "I don't mean worried about you. I mean worried about us."; she is confused, and he tells her he thought this was just over some problem between her and her friends, but the way she's been shutting him out, he's starting to think she has a problem with him. Susan sits on the bed and asks him how he could say that, adding that no matter what she's going through, she will never let anything come between them. He says "Yeah, I'm sure Tom and Lynette felt the same way. Look where they ended up.". He then gets up and says he's headed over there without her, but she stops him and says she's going with him, adding that he's right, she does have a problem with the girls, and it's about time she went there and straightened it out.

Later, at the party, we see and hear Gabrielle saying "No", with an angry look. She adds "No way, you are not bringing Mike in on this!"; in front of her and Bree, Lynette quietly tells them to keep the volume down, and Susan swears to the girls that Mike isn't gonna tell anyone, and that they can trust him. Gabrielle reminds her that they trusted her when they decided to keep this matter between them, and Bree jumps in, saying they all empathize with Susan's position, but she doesn't think it's smart to tell Mike about what happened. Susan tells them her husband knows something is up, which is affecting their marriage. Gabrielle tells her that what's going to affect her marriage is when her husband goes to prison. Lynette quietly says she thinks they should let Susan tell him. Bree and Gabrielle are upset. Gaby says "I can't believe this.", and Bree reminds them that they all made a pact that night, and she doesn't remember anyone bringing up those extra conditions. Lynette tells her she wasn't exactly anyone's opinion that night; Bree asks her what she means by that, and Lynette responds that she elected herself chairman of the "dead guy committee" and started making decisions for everyone. Susan adds that that's what Bree always does, and Gabrielle tells her someone had to make the decisions, and it sure as well wasn't gonna be Susan. Susan is somewhat offended by this, and tells them she is done talking about it - the only reason she came to the barbecue was to let them know that she is going to tell Mike. She starts to walk away, and Gaby says "The hell you are!", before jumping on top of Susan, trying to get a hold of her. Lynette is shocked and goes after them, as Susan struggles to break free of Gaby's grasp. Susan walks off with her friend on top of her, and Lynette follows, trying to pull Gaby away, and so does Bree, coming after Lynette. Inside the house, just in front of a large window that shows us the women's struggle outside, Mike, Carlos and Chuck are sitting at the table, drinking beer and talking about possible football-related economic moves, including the trading of Manning, which was suggested by Chuck. Carlos jokingly asks if he's out of his mind, and Chuck tells them to think for a minute, then asking them "When is the stock gonna be higher?"; outside, Lynette and Bree are still trying to get Gaby off of Susan. Inside, Chuck explains to the guys that a great player could be brought in, and Mike says "Yeah, maybe a great quarterback. Like, I don't know... Manning?"; the guys share a laugh.

Outside, Susan tells Gabrielle to get off of her, and Bree tells them that people can hear them. Gaby shouts "I told you we couldn't trust her!"; Susan points out that she can't see, and, as Lynette grabs Gaby's leg, she is pushed to the front by Gaby and walks up to the girls, prompting all three of them to fall into the pool. Bree runs to the edge as the girls all emerge from the water. Mike is heard asking "What the hell is going on?", and the girls turn to find all three men outside of the pool, surprised and confused. Susan makes up an excuse: she lost her earring, and the girls were kind enough to help her look for it. Bree turns to the men and says "Oh, there it is", before diving into the water. She then comes out, as the men still look confused.

Act VI
The girls are all sitting at a round table. Lynette is wrapped in a towel, and Susan is drying her head with another towel. Lynette tells them she went food-shopping the day before, and she kept having to put things back. She'd take a couple of cans of peaches, and then she'd remember that only Tom liked them, so she put them back. "Sweet pickles... Tom. Put them back.", she adds, emotionally. Bree reaches out to her and shares her sympathies, saying that with everything that's been going on, she hasn't been there for her. Gabrielle adds that she thinks they've all been guilty of that. She then takes Susan's hand and apologizes to her. Susan says "It's just so damn hard." Gabrielle sympathizes with her and what she just said. Lynette tells her the good thing about Mike and Tom not knowing is they can't be implicated. If something were to happen, at least they'd be okay. Susan thinks quietly for a while, and then says, looking very depressed, "We are never gonna be able to tell anybody about this, are we?"; Bree answers negatively, and asks if she's gonna be able to live with that. Susan looks at Gabrielle, and says she's gonna try. Gaby, still squeezing her friend's hand, smiles at her, and Bree then puts her hand over theirs, followed by Lynette.

"It's only the best of friends who stay long after the party's over to help clean up."

Carlos hoses down the driveway, and Gabrielle, wearing a robe, comes up from behind him, and they share a kiss.

"To cleanse the pain of a guilty conscience..."

Lynette is seen scrubbing down a plate over the kitchen sink. She is stopped by the sight of her wedding ring, and Renee approaches her and takes the plate and the knife from her, in a kind move.

"...to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage..."

Susan sweeps the front porch with a broom, and Bree appears from the entrance of the house, holding a garbage bag, and touches her friend in the arm.

"...to sweep away the loneliness of keeping a secret."

As Bree leaves, Susan looks at her.

"''Yes, it's good to have friends who help clean up our messes."

Bree walks home with Chuck, talking and sharing a laugh, and then he heads inside as she stops to pick up her mail.

"But every housewife knows that as soon as one mess is taken care of, another one appears. And we may find ourselves right back where we started."

- Mary Alice Young

Bree takes some envelopes from her mailbox, including a neat, square one. She opens it and takes out a letter. She looks shocked and horrified. The note reads:

"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

IT MAKES ME SICK.

I'M GOING TO TELL."

Production
"Secrets That I Never Want to Know" was written by executive producer Bob Daily and directed by David Grossman. This episode is only one of two season premieres series creator Marc Cherry did not write himself, instead he reduced his involvement production-wise and handed his creative authority to second-in-command, Daily. ABC announced on August 7, 2011 that Desperate Housewives would end its run after eight seasons, which Daily said gave the writers more freedom when developing the storylines.

According to Vanessa Williams (Renee Perry), the first day of shooting for the season premiere was July 11, 2011.

This episode saw the arrival of new neighbor, Ben Faulkner, a self-made contractor who hails from Australia, portrayed by Charles Mesure, who immediately develops a romantic link with Renee. As well as Jonathan Cake, whose character Chuck Vance is Bree's love interest, joining the main cast.

With the final season, the writers decided to allude back to the first season's mystery surrounding Mary Alice's suicide, in an attempt to bookend the series. Cherry noted that the "mystery hearkens back to the first season, going back to the roots of Mary Alice. This feels right for that mystery to take us out this year." Mary Alice actress Brenda Strong commented that "It’s the smartest way to end the series, to finish where you began. I think it really cements it in the psyche of the audience and gives them a sense of completion."

Reception
The episode was watched by 9.93 million viewers and received a 3.2 rating share in the key demographic (18–49 years of age), making it the least-watched season premiere in the show's history. However, the final minute of the episode drew 12.188 million viewers and also gained an extra 2 million viewers following it's original broadcast due to DVR recordings.

"Secrets That I Never Want to Know" garnered positive reviews from TV critics. TV Fanatic's Christina Tran praised the murder cover-up and the episode's comedy, ultimately saying, "Overall, the season premiere was comprised of suspense, jokes and touching moments amongst the housewives. From the funny car theft scene to the housewives swim only scene, it is absolutely refreshing and nice to have the ladies back." She gave the episode 4/5 stars. Meanwhile, TV Guide's Kate Stanhope, while commending the character of Bree morphing "back into the controlling perfectionist we grew to love", was somewhat critical of Lynette's storyline, adding: "it's annoying that their relationship has been reduced to this gimmick." Concluding, Entertainment Weekly called the episode's overall storyline "too juicy a landmine to not have the repercussions play out deliciously on this, the show’s last season."

Fans of the show responded overwhelmingly positive to the episode. Many were pleased with the way the writers handled the murder cover-up, as well as the introduction of Bree's blackmail. One fan wrote: "A dramatic conclusion to the murder of last season that mental rips the girls apart, affecting their marriages, families, and more than anything, their own friendship with each other. I can't believe I can say those things about this show after all it has been through, but this episode was well worth it." It was given a 8.4/10 rating on TV.com.

Trivia

 * This episode is the first season premiere since season 3 's "Listen to the Rain on the Roof" to not be written or co-written by series creator, executive producer and former showrunner Marc Cherry, and is one of only two premieres (along with season 2's "Next") to not have his name in the writing credits. Instead, new showrunner Bob Daily penned the episode.
 * The title of this episode comes from a lyric in the song "I Know Things Now", taken from the Stephen Sondheim musical, Into the Woods.
 * In the classroom scene, when Susan wonders what she is to do with the dead hamster, a bandage can briefly be seen on the back of her left arm.

Bloopers and Continuity Errors

 * In "Come on Over for Dinner", Alejandro is seen driving a 2-door Ford Focus, but when Bree and Gabrielle go to dispose of his car in this episode, it is a 4-door model.
 * When Gabrielle and Bree are trying to get rid of Alejandro's car, Gabrielle says she's never driven stick before. However, after Hector got arrestet for speeding that one Thanksgiving, she drove his truck, with a stickshift, home.
 * Gabrielle says she'd been afraid of Alejandro all her life and that she feels finally safe, but she thought he was dead most of these years. Why would she be afraid?

Gallery
Gallery of photographic stills released to promote the episode.