"If There’s Anything I Can't Stand" is the 74th episode of Desperate Housewives.
Wisteria Lane welcomes a gay couple to the street, and unfortunately for them, the first neighbor to greet them is Susan Mayer. Edie is shocked when she receives some news at the gynecologist’s office. Gabrielle goes with Lynette to the wig store and ends up giving her useful tips to improve her sex life. The girls throw Bree a surprise baby shower and thanks to Andrew, Bree’s ex-mother-in-law Phyllis is among the invitees.
Katherine brings her aunt Lillian home. Lillian feels guilty about what she and Katherine did concerning Dylan, years ago, and wants to come clean, but Katherine’s against that. While Katherine is out, Lillian starts to tell Dylan that what happened wasn’t anyone’s fault, but before Dylan can learn more, Katherine returns home and removes Dylan from the room. Later, Katherine hears her aunt calling, but she keeps Dylan out of the room by having her play her cello. As Dylan plays, Lillian writes a note and then dies. Katherine has her aunt’s body taken away, and she doesn’t see the note’s fallen to the floor.
Bob Hunter and his partner Lee moved out of the city to Wisteria Lane. Susan makes a fool of herself upon learning they’re gay and have a dog named Raphael. Lee, especially, doesn’t like her. Susan shows up at the couple’s door with cookies, but when Lee asks her if they have nuts (he’s deathly allergic), she’s forced to admit
she doesn’t know as she bought them at the store and warmed them herself! Lee’s not impressed. When Julie finds Raphael wandering the street, Susan wants to take him back -- but only after she waits a while so Bob and Lee will really miss their dog and be grateful for her help. Susan offers to help Lee look for the dog. She doesn’t know that Raphael has wandered into the paint in her garage. When Mike opens the garage, Raphael escapes from the garage and jumps on Bob’s very expensive suit. As mad as Bob and Lee are, Mike’s pretty angry himself, as now he has to replace the two thousand dollar suit.
Orson and Andrew aren’t happy to learn that the scooter that’s been sent from Danielle by her grandmother Phyllis has to go back. Though Bree tells her friends she doesn’t want a baby shower, Andrew offers to help. When Bree and Orson return home, they find Bree’s friends throwing her a surprise baby shower. The guests include Bree’s first mother-in-law, Phyllis. As usual, Bree and Phyllis argue, with their latest argument being over the sable coat Phyllis gave her years before. Phyllis is about to storm out of the house, but first she learns from Andrew the coat’s in Bree’s bedroom closet. Phyllis goes to the closet and finds Bree’s pregnancy pads there! Bree admits she’s faking her pregnancy, and reveals Danielle’s at a convent. But Phyllis isn’t happy to learn she can’t be a grandmother to this baby. Phyllis is about to reveal the truth to the guests at the shower but then she makes nice and leaves. Still later, Phyllis meets Danielle at the convent and says she’s taking her away.
Lynette’s mood is happy . . . and she’s even ready for sex! But when Tom and Lynette head to bed, her wig comes loose. Tom doesn’t like Lynette’s look without hair and he doesn’t want sex any longer. Later, as Lynette and Gabrielle shop for wigs, Gabrielle convinces Lynette to buy a sexy red haired wig, in hopes of spicing up Lynette’s sex life. The wig proves to be as helpful to Lynette’s sex life as she expected. Later, Tom’s mood deflates when Lynette tells him they’re not using the red wig again. When Tom presents Lynette with another wig, she’s upset he won’t accept her as she is. Tom tells his wife he’s been there for her, but she hasn’t wondered how he’s dealing with her cancer at all. Lynette’s afraid she’s a cancer bitch, and as Tom and Lynette make up, they kiss.
Edie learns she has crabs, and she has to tell Carlos, who then proceeds to tell Gabrielle, who worries that Victor has them. When Carlos and Gabrielle see Victor scratching himself, they have their answer. Gabrielle pretends to be a sexy nurse there to apply medicine on Victor, and he goes along with the supposed sex game, even though the medicine smells. Gabrielle tells Carlos she took of the crabs; he’s worried about being caught by Victor, while she finds the danger exciting. Edie smells something familiar on Victor, and as she sees crab cakes being offered to her, then Carlos, then Gabrielle, then Victor, she realizes the truth about Victor’s smell.
Ratings and reception
If There's Anything I Can’t Stand scored a 11.5/17 in Nielsen points (originally reported as 11.3/16), down from previous episodes with a total of 18.214m viewers; however, a championship baseball game reduced viewer ratings for other programmes as well.
- Although credited, Preston Scavo (Brent Kinsman), Porter Scavo (Shane Kinsman), Parker Scavo (Zane Huett), and Kayla Scavo (Rachel Fox) do not appear in this episode.
- The music played by Dylan is the outstanding Bach Cello Suite 1.
- A scene with Garbeille and Carlon in bed together discussing their affair was cut for time.
- A dinner scene between Gabrielle and Victor where Victor started to get suspicious was cut for time.
- The episode title, “If There’s Anything I Can’t Stand” is a song taken from the Stephen Sondheim musical, By George.