Rex cries after he ejaculates.
|Bree Van de Kamp|
Rex Van de Kamp was Bree's first husband and father to Andrew and Danielle. A doctor whom Bree was married to for 18 years, the couple's plastic existence soon melted away, resulting in Rex starting to pay regular visits to a neighborhood, domestic prostitute. Once the pair had put aside their differences and reconciled, rather ironically, Rex died, after being poisoned by the family's scheming pharmacist.
Rex went to Mount Pleasant High School and a private prep school, where he was student body president, and on the football and debate teams. After Graduating high school he met his future wife, Bree Mason, while enrolled at Lake Forest College, while attending a campus Young Republican meeting. The two connected the moment they met, as after their meeting the two went to a diner, where they stayed up until 2:00 AM, talking about immigration and state government. ("Ah, But Underneath")
However, Rex was involved with a woman before meeting Bree and had a secret child with her, Sam. Rex tried to offer Sam the things he needed in life but his mother refused to let him help, he did visit him from time to time however. Shortly after finishing college, regardless of Rex's involvement with another woman, the two married and Bree became pregnant with their first child, Andrew. ("Chromolume No. 7")Rex moved to Wisteria Lane with his wife in, Bree, and his two children, Andrew and Danielle in 1993. On the day they moved to the neighborhood, Andrew stole something from their new neighbor's, Mary Alice's, lawn, Bree makes him apologise as they first meet her. ("Remember, Part 1")
At one point, Danielle tries to dye her hair and Bree is very unhappy about it, her and Rex have an argument in the drug store and meet, for the first time, their new pharmacist, George. ("Remember, Part 2")
Lynette and Tom came over to Bree and Rex's for dinner and Bree points out that if her were to losen up the purse strings, they could afford a new stove, Rex and Bree get into and argument in front of their guests and he suggests that Bree ger a job. Rex comes home later from a busy day at the hospital, Bree took what he said to heart and is jotting down plans for a cookbook, she leaves him leftovers and he isn't happy, he tells her that he didn't mean what he said and that if she wants a stove, then he'll buy her a stove, he tells her to stop the silliness and make him something that isn't leftovers. Bree tosses out the cookbook but it is rescued by the handyman, Eli Scruggs. ("The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened")
Bree comes home from somewhere, mad at Rex, but she assures him she isn't, he eventually cracks her and she tells him that she was upset when he said that Gabrielle was the most beautiful women he had ever seen, he tells her that she is dumb to feel those things and she announces that she is making his favorite breakfast to mask her devastation. ("Women and Death")
I know you still love me. Maisy told me. As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to find the most vindictive lawyer I can find. And together, we will eviscerate you. I will take away your money, your family, and your dignity. And I am thrilled you still love me. Because I want what's going to happen to you to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm just so glad you didn't die before I told you that.
|Bree Van de Kamp|
Rex attends Mary Alice's wake with Bree, Andrew and Danielle, while looking miserable. Later, at dinner, Andrew and Danielle complain about how they always have to have cuisine and never any normal food, Bree asks Rex to step in but he merely says "Pass the salt". The next night, Bree takes them out to a restaurant for a change. Whilst there, Rex tells her that he wants a divorce. She refuses to discuss her marriage in that place and goes to get him a salad. He eats it, chokes, and passes out as she put onions on it (which he is very allergic to). He has to go to the hospital and explais to Bree that he doesn't like this perfect version of her and much preferred her when she was loose and free. ("Pilot")
Rex and Bree attend their first marriage councelling session with Dr. Albert Goldfine. Rex ventures his problems and doesn't feel Bree listens to him. Rex is stuck at the hospital and is unable to attend his next session. Bree goes alone and bonds with Dr. Goldfine. In their next session, Dr. Goldfine begins to side with Bree, asking Rex if he ever considered the benefits of living with her and if he ever said "thank you". ("Ah, But Underneath")
Bree hosts a dinner party and does not want anyone to know that she and Rex are seeing a marriage councellor. She tells him that their cover is that he and she are going to tennis lessons. During the dinner, Rex lets it slip and everyone hears, and Bree is angry, but he made the point that the world didn't end. At the actual dinner, people start breaking the awkwardness by swapping embarrassing stories, Bree gives back the awkwardness when she says "Rex cries after he ejaculates". Rex gets up and leaves, embarrassed. ("Pretty Little Picture")
Bree begins to bond with Zach Young. Rex shows up to find out that their house has been broken into by him. He did not steal anything, but he decorated it for Christmas. Rex has the police in and is shocked at Bree when she lets Zach go. ("Come In, Stranger")
Rex begins living in a motel and in one of their marriage councelling sessions, Rex suggests that he and Bree hire a sex surrogate, but she refuses, and he is angry. She later shows up in his motel room in a fur coat and lingerie, and they begin to have sex until Bree spots a burrito falling from the night stand. Rex tells her to leave it but she folds it upwards. He is maddened and asks her to leave. ("Running to Stand Still")
Rex and Bree announce to Andrew and Danielle that they will divorce and they are devastated. To make up for it, Rex begins to shower them with gifts. He buys Andrew a car which is then used to drunkenly run over Juanita "Mama" Solis. Rex and Bree help him cover up the crime. ("Anything You Can Do")
To cover up for the crime, Rex and Bree take the car to a bad neighborhood with the intention that it gets stolen, as it does. The Van de Kamps visit Mrs. Solis and Rex offers his blessing after making sure that there is no hope of Andrew being caught. Andrew later reveals that he doesn't feel guilty and Bree worries he doesn't have a soul. ("Guilty")
Bree catches Andrew smoking pot and gets an urine sample from him. She visits Rex at the golf course and asks him to get it analysed at the hospital. Rex refuses and spoils the memory of his marriage, Bree throws the urine at him. Rex refuses to punish Andrew and doesn't want him to quit the swim team. Bree preaches that she loves him more than Rex does, but Rex says that it isn't true. Bree later calls in with an anonymous tip saying that Andrew's weed is in his locker, it is found and he is kicked off the swimming team. ("Suspicious Minds")
It is discovered that Maisy Gibbons is a prostitute and that one of her most regular customers is Rex. It is discovered that Rex has an S&M obsession and he has a heart attack when having sex with Maisy who admits him to the hospital. Bree finds out about the affair and goes to his hospital room, telling him that she will take everything from him including his dignity as she is very distraught. ("Come Back to Me")
Bree does not welcome Rex back in her home, however, since he had a heart attack, she is forced to take care of him. Bree asks out George on a date and he arrives as Rex is still there, resulting in an awkward situation. Bree goes on the date. ("Move On")
Rex attempts to reconcile with Bree, but she refuses to budge even a little. He later warns George to stay away from Bree as pretty girls tend to end up with doctors, not pharmacists. George throws out Rex's prescription. ("Your Fault")
Bree and Rex begin to reconcile and Bree finds out about Rex's sexual secret: that he loves S&M. He attempts to get her to try it but she simply scoffs at the idea of it. ("Love is in the Air")
Bree finds a condom in the hamper and worries that Rex is still cheating. She confronts him and he reminds her that Andrew could also be the owner. She confronts him and he denies ownage. It is later discovered that it belongs to Danielle who planned to lose her virginity to John. Bree and Rex are shocked at the revelation. ("Impossible")
Maisy Gibbons is arrested for prostitution and Bree and Rex are horrified to hear that she is handing over her little black book containing all her clients' names. Bree tries to stop her from releasing Rex's name but she refuses. Later, everyone knows about the affair and are staring at Rex and Bree. Rex suggests they leave but Bree refuses to give them the satisfaction. ("The Ladies Who Lunch")
Bree and Rex find out that Andrew has been smoking marijuana again and ran down the school parking attendant, Bree suggests sending him to a camp but Rex refuses. Rex becomes more helpful in parenting and when Bree is kicked by Andrew, Rex pins him up against a wall. Later, in the middle of the night, Rex and Bree have Andrew sent to Camp Hennessey. ("There Won't Be Trumpets")
Rex and Bree visit Andrew in camp but he will only talk to Rex. Andrew tells him that he thinks he might be gay and Bree storms in, demanding respect, and Rex tells her, it is awkward. ("Children Will Listen")
Bree pulls Andrew out of camp in fear he will have sex with one of the other boys, she takes him home and invites Reverend Sikes over to dinner. They attempt to get through to Andrew to make him straight, Rex is perfectly fine with who Andrew is. ("Live Alone and Like It")
Bree and Rex run into George who is still in love with Bree. Rex notes how hard it is to get rid of him and forbids Bree from seeing him. George lies and says he has a girlfriend and shows up at Carlos's garden party with her where Rex pushes her into the pool, Bree accidentally falls in with him. ("Fear No More")
As George is messing with his prescription, Rex's health deteriorates. ("Sunday in the Park with George")
George continues to poison Rex and lies to Bree about Rex bragging to the other doctors about his S&M with Bree. Bree confronts him and he has a heart attack. She makes the bed and then takes him to the hospital. ("Goodbye for Now")
Rex and Bree reconcile while he is in the hospital and he learns that he has been poisoned with potassium pills, he believes that Bree is behind it, while George is actually the poisoner. As Rex dies, he writes a note to Bree saying that he understands and forgives her. Bree is distraught over Rex's death. ("One Wonderful Day")
I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of God, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke's on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!
|Bree Van de Kamp|
Rex's funeral is held and during, Bree switches his tie from his ugly school tie, that his mother, Phyllis, made him wear, with Tom Scavo's tie, which looked decent. She then let him rest and continued with the ceremony. ("Next")
His body stayed for investigation for weeks, until finally, his body was given back to Bree. She planned to have a small reburial for Rex, with Lynette, Gabrielle, Susan and Edie. But, as Bree was shown Rex's forgiveness note, she became outraged with him, and she buried him in an unmarked area. She dropped her wedding ring in the grave with him and then left. ("They Asked Me Why I Believe in You")
I always hated cemeteries when I was alive. Now that I'm dead, I like them even less...
Rex returns to narrate an episode which is based around the house-husbands. He expresses his hate towards Bree's new husband, Orson. He narrates different kinds of men and tells us how unhappy each of the men really are, he tells us how the guy is truly happy is the one who can't stop smiling. ("My Husband, the Pig")
Rex's ghost watches Susan leave Wisteria Lane. ("Finishing the Hat")
When Susan Delfino decides to leave Wisteria Lane with her children, MJ Delfino and Julie Mayer, and granddaughter, Rex's ghost appeared alongside Beth Young, Chuck Vance and Lillian Simms, in front of his old house, and they watched the family as they drove away from the lane and began their new lives together. ("Finishing the Hat")
[to Andrew Van de Kamp] The next time you touch your mother like that, I'm gonna throw you through this wall! You understand me?!
—Rex, There Won't Be Trumpets
- Steven Culp was Marc Cherry's first choice to play Rex. When Culp couldn't do the project, due to prior commitments, Cherry hired actor Michael Reilly Burke to play Rex. When Burke didn't test well with audiences, Cherry asked Culp again. Culp was now available and went on to play Rex.
- Despite being killed-off in season 1, Rex has appeared in every season (excluding season 4 and 6). He is still mentioned by his family often.
- Rex and Bree Van de Kamp were both named after the overtly vain characters on two of Marc Cherry's previous failed sitcoms, The Five Mrs. Buchanans (Bree) and The Crew (Rex).
- Rex Van De Kamp's birthday is the 30th of March, making him just over 3 months older than his wife Bree.
- Rex is allergic to onions, as seen when Bree accidentally adds onions to his salad at a restaurant, when distracted by Martha Huber in the "Pilot" episode, causing him to have an allergic reaction and end up in the emergency room.
- Rex played the guitar.
Gallery of photographic stills released to promote the episode.