Wiksteria Lane

"What's to Discuss, Old Friend?" is the 167th episode of Desperate Housewives.


With a gun at her side, Bree prepares to end it all, now that her friends have abandoned her and her life continues to spiral further into despair. Meanwhile, Gabrielle begins to suspect that Carlos may have had something to do with Detective Chuck Vance's murder. Susan makes up her mind to go to New York to become a true artist - with or without Mike, and an angry Tom cancels his plans to go to Paris with his girlfriend when Lynette confesses that she's an accomplice to murder and may soon be arrested.


Previously on Desperate Housewives[]

Renee feared Ben was cheating, and with Detective Vance closing in, Susan wanted to flee, Lynette went to Tom for help, Carlos disappeared from rehab... But before he could go public... And Bree decided to end it all.


Bree is seen sitting at the table, in the motel room wherein she used to conduct her romantic affair with Karl Mayer, holding her Smith & Wesson revolver in her hands, contemplating suicide. There's a bottle of Jasper & Tate Chardonnay on the table.

Bree Van de Kamp had always wanted to live her life with elegance and grace. That's also how she wanted to die. Her plan was to pour herself a glass of her favorite Chardonnay...

Bree pours some Chardonnay white wine into a plastic cup.

Put on her most stylish nightgown...

She lays a white nightgown atop the motel's bed.

And leave behind a note on embossed stationery.

She is seen writing a note on stationary with a fountain pen.

Yes, Bree had everything she needed for an elegant death. Everything, except... privacy.
810 01
Bree prepares to shoot herself.

She is then seen sitting on the bed, wearing the nightgown, and pointing the gun at her head, with a depressed look on her face. Shortly afterwards, there is a loud knocking on the door. It is repeated, and thus Bree gets up, puts the gun down on the table, and heads towards the door, saying, through it, that she doesn't need turndown service, so they can just come back in the morning... and they might want to bring a mop. She turns around, but there's just more banging, and then the voice of Renee Perry is heard saying "Open the door!"; Bree is surprised to hear it's her. Renee warns her that she has to the count of three, and says "One!", after Bree tells her this isn't a good time. Renee says "Two!", and is told that Bree is in the middle of something. Immediately afterwards, the door is opened with a kick, and an angry Renee, dressed in her leather suit, storms in, asking Bree where "he" is. Bree asks "Who?", and Renee says "Ben! The man you're trying to steal from me."; she heads towards the restroom and opens the door to the bathroom, to find nothing. She continues her search around the bedroom, as Bree tells her she doesn't understand. Renee says "You think I won't hit you? I once slapped a waitress because she forgot my croutons. You are dead!"; Renee then gets on her knees and looks under the bed. Bree, frustrated, tells her she has to go, and Renee gets up and tells her neighbor, "Ever since we met you've been spouting those Sunday school phrases, making folks think you're this grand lady. Well, I got your number now. And you are nothing but a middle-aged skank in a Nancy Reagan nightie." Bree is speechless, crossing her arms, hoping her neighbor will go away, but Renee looks at the table and notices the revolver. She promptly asks Bree why she has a gun, and the latter doesn't know what to say.

810 02
Renee notices that Bree has a gun.

Renee insists on her question, and Bree, with her hands to her chest, still doesn't know what to say. Renee, catching on to what's happening, notices the stationery and picks it up. Bree reaches her hand at her, begging her not to read it with a weakened tone, and Renee pushes her hand away and reads it anyway, getting shocked by the note. Bree tries to fight back the tears, and begs her to go once more. A baffled Renee starts to ask if she was actually gonna... but interrupts herself. Bree can't compose herself any longer, and starts crying. Renee utters "Oh, my God", and proceeds to embrace her, trying to offer solace, not really knowing what other way to react.

Renee Perry had no idea just how close her friend had come to suicide. And Bree Van de Kamp had no idea just how close she had come to being hit.
Mary Alice Young

Bree cries louder in Renee's embrace.

Act I[]

Keeping secrets is a lonely business. That's why we all search for someone to confide in. An ally who will understand. An advisor we can trust. A friend who will never judge.

A sequence of events is shown featuring several people confiding in others: a young woman seeking the attention of a priest at a confessionary, two women chatting at a hair salon, a man being poured a drink at bar, talking to his bartender, and young Celia Solis having a conversation with Mrs. McCluskey's cat, Toby.

Of course, not everyone you tell your secrets to will be happy about it.
Mary Alice Young
810 03
Tom is upset at his wife.

In her home, Lynette Scavo is seen coming down the stairs. She looks at her husband, who's in the kitchen making pancakes, and who gives her an angry look. Lynette feels bad for him. She walks over to the kitchen and greets her kids, Penny and Parker, who are finishing their breakfast. Parker tells Lynette that their father didn't go to Paris, and Lynette gives away that she already knows that he had to cancel his trip. Tom pretends that some work meetings came up, but he can't shake off the unsatisfied look he's got. Lynette says "Nice for us, huh?". Tom tells his kids to go grab their books, if they're done, and he'll drop them off at school, and off they go. Lynette and Tom sit down at the table, and when Lynette reaches for one of the pancakes, Lynette hits her hand with a spatula, telling her co-conspirators to murder don't get pancakes. Lynette says she knows this is the last thing he ever expected to deal with... Tom interrupts her by saying "Yeah, you can say that. How could you let yourself get involved in this? I-it-it's Gaby and Carlos' mess!"; Lynette responds that she was helping a friend. Tom, being tacky, reminds her that when it came to bringing his shirts to the cleaners, that was always a big hassle, but burying a body in the woods... Lynette shooshes him, begging him to lower his voice, which he does. He then gets up and turns on the radio, allowing some classical music to play in the background while they continue their discussion. He makes it clear that he doesn't know what's going to happen now, and asks her if Chuck's just gonna show up and arrest her. Lynette explains to him that Chuck told Gabrielle he was starting a formal investigation that morning, so... "yes, they can arrest me". Tom lashes out at her, saying that, out of the four women, she's supposed to be the smart one. Lynette wants to defend herself, but the kids come down the stairs, ready to leave, and Tom tells them he'll meet them at the car.

810 04
Lynette feels frustrated, as the radio announces something interesting...

Lynette sits down, in the meantime, and after the kids are gone, she lets Tom know that she needs some support, not a lecture. Tom says "Okay, you're right", and apologizes. Lynette appreciates his attitude, and he then tells her he'll find a way to fix this. Tom then picks up his coat and leaves, and Lynette watches him from behind. Once the door's shut behind him, an announcement comes on the radio: "And now, the news. Detective Charles Vance was killed last night in Fairview Square, an apparent victim of a hit-and-run. The case is currently under investigation. Anyone with information, please contact the Fairview Police Department."
Lynette is shocked.

810 05
Gabrielle lashes out at the nurse.

At Sterling Recovery Center, Gabrielle Solis is busy yelling at nurse Erik, asking how her husband could just have checked himself out. Nurse Erik insists that this is a recovery center, not a jail, to which Gaby replies that it is not much of a recovery center if they let their patients out in time for happy hour. The nurse tells her to lower her voice, otherwise she'll wake up the "crackheads". She tells him she's worried, because she has no idea where her husband is, and the nurse tells her that if he did indeed have a relapse, he'll probably check back in in no time. The nurse then gets up, and Gaby asks him if he could at least pretend to car, to which he replies "Not with what I'm paid", and walks away. Gaby shouts at him, as he pretends to ignore her, that he's making a big mistake, as she's got a lot of drunk friends and she's not recommending this place to them. Then, as she prepares to leave herself, she hears the anchor woman on TV saying, "Again, our top story: Fairview police detective Chuck Vance is dead, after a hit-and-run accident that has left the community stunned. Detective Vance was crossing Lake Street, approximately 11 p.m., when he was run down by a dark sedan."
Gabrielle too is shocked.

810 06
"Spanish omelet?"

The door to Bree's kitchen opens, and she walks in, wearing her nightrobe. Renee, who's just finished making breakfast, greets her with a smile: "Hello, sunshine, how you feelin' this morning?". Bree answers that she's groggy and nauseous, and Renee replies that that's her fault, as she slipped a few sedatives in Bree's tea the night before, and sort of forgot to "say when". A surprised Bree says "You drugged me?", to which Renee responds that she had to make sure Bree'd sleep through the night, as she didn't want to find her sprawled out on the oriental with her wrists slashed. She then offers her some Spanish omelet, and Bree says that if Renee really wants to protect the oriental she'll put that away. Renee tells her to let her know what she likes for breakfast, and she'll make it for her the following day. This surprises Bree, who asks if Renee'll also be there the following day, and Renee says she will stay for the foreseeable future. She's moving in. Bree goes after her into the living room, making it clear Renee doesn't have to do that, and Renee says that, after what Bree tried to do the night before, she doesn't have a choice. Bree tells her she's fine, what happened was a mere moment of temporary insanity, and in the light of day... she is forced to interrupt herself when she notices all her sneakers on the coffee table with the laces removed. She asks Renee if she's behind that, to which her neighbor replies that she also got rid of all her knives, razors, pills, cleaning fluid and her shower curtain. Bree asks how she could possibly kill herself with a shower curtain, and Renee says she can't, she just thought it was ugly. Bree, with a passive-aggressive smile, proceeds to sit down and tell Renee that this is why she can't stay over: she'll drive Bree absolutely crazy. Renee tells her she'd rather see her in a straightjacket than a coffin.

810 07
Bree refuses to share the truth with her neighbor.

Bree tells her that's very sweet, but she's fine now, it's a brand new morning and she's loving life. Renee puts down her plate, having finished eating, and asks Bree why she wanted to kill herself. Bree hesitates for a while, and states it's complicated. Renee says "I'm sure it is. And I'm also sure I'm not going anywhere until I know exactly what made you bring a gun to that motel." Bree tells her this is so unnecessary, as Renee's phone buzzes. She picks it up and checks it out, and then gives Bree a look. Bree asks her what's wrong, and Renee says she just got some news about her friend, Chuck Vance. Bree is intrigued.

810 08
Mike refuses to let his wife go to New York.

Mike wakes up in the morning, and notices his wife is not lying next to him. He sits down on the bed, calls out for her, and then gets up, and hears the front door being shut downstairs. He looks out the window and spies his wife strolling a suitcase. He seems angry. Outside the house, Susan is seen heading towards a taxi, and the cab driver is checking his phone. Susan asks him if he'll help her with her bag, and he nods affirmatively. Mike walks out of the house, wearing nothing but his pyjama bottoms, and says "No! No, nobody's helping her with her bag." Susan is surprised, and tells him he's supposed to be sleeping. He says so is she, and asks where she's going. Susan says she's going to New York, and she wrote it on the note she left on the nightstand. Mike starts saying something, but in the meantime Bob Hunter jogs by, checks out his shirtless body, and says "Looking good, Mike". Mike is temporarily distracted, but then turns his attention back to Susan and tells her he thought they'd discussed this the night before, she can't just pick up and leave like that. Susan says he discussed it, and she waited until he went to bed and then re-confirmed her plane reservation. He tells her that if she's going, she's doing so without clothes. He picks up her suitcase and heads into the house. She follows after him, and asks the cab driver to wait a sec. Mike lets himself into the house, and tells her it feels like she packed for a month. Susan tells him she packed for three weeks, and adds that Felix set up meetings with gallery owners, and if everything goes well, they can start considering moving there. Mike says he's not moving to New York, and Susan asks "Why not?". Mike reminds her that his plumbing business is in Fairview, and Susan tells him it'll be more exciting for him to unclog pipes in the big city. Mike tells her to stop, as this whole ordeal is not about her becoming an artist. It's about her running away from Chuck Vance. Susan acknowledges that this is true. She adds that she's a mess. One more interrogation by Chuck, and she is going to crack like an egg. And then she'll go to jail and take half the neighborhood with her. She can't risk it, and he has to let her go. She takes the stroller back, and when she opens the front door she finds Lynette, Bree and Gabrielle there. Susan asks what is going on.

810 09
The ladies discuss Chuck's death.

Shortly afterwards, the four women are gathered outside, in front of Susan's house, and the latter says "Oh, my God, Chuck's dead?". Lynette tells her it was some sort of hit-and-run, and that's all they know. Susan asks what happens now, to which Gabrielle replies "Nothing". It's all good, the only person tying them to Alejandro's murder is gone. Lynette implicitly asks her to have more tact, as Chuck was Bree's boyfriend, to which Gabrielle replies that if Bree had dumped him when she told her to, they wouldn't have gotten in trouble in the first place. An indignated Bree tells her that if she's done, it's time to ask the obvious question: "Did somebody do this on purpose?". The women exchange looks, and a shocked Susan says "Oh, my God. He was murdered?". Gaby insists that it was an accident, and Lynette points out that it does seem a bit convenient. Gaby suggests that maybe God decided to answer their prayers through one of his drunk-driving angels on Earth. "Who are we to question God?". The women are silent, and give her looks. Gaby says, "Look, I admit we were in a lot of trouble there, but, none of us are that cold-blooded, right?". Lynette asks if someone could be trying to protect them, and Susan says "Oh, my God, Carlos." Gaby is indignated, and Lynette says Carlos couldn't have done that, as he's still in rehab. "Isn't he?", she asks Gaby, who reluctantly replies that he is. "Oh, my God, you guys, we finally got a lucky break, let's just go with it. We wanted Chuck gone and now he's gone, it's just a coincidence." Bree doesn't necessarily agree, and Gaby says that coincidences happen, otherwise there wouldn't be a word for them. Lynette suggests that they put this behind them and get back to normal, and Gaby adds "Sounds like a plan". She then asks Susan if they're good, to which she hesitantly replies "Sure". Gaby then turns to Bree and asks "Bree? We all agree this was just an accident?". Bree replies, "If you say so", quietly. Afterwards, an aerial shot shows all four women headed to their homes.

Act II[]

810 10
Bob is shocked to hear about the murder cover-up.

Lynette barges into her house, calling out for Tom, claiming to have big news and that he won't believe what happened. She is surprised to find her neighbor Bob sitting on the living room couch. Tom's in the kitchen. Bob asks her what she did, and Lynette is confused. Bob gets up and says "You buried a man in the woods?". Tom hands him a glass of water, and reminds him that she was merely helping a friend. Lynette is shocked to learn that Tom told Bob, and Tom says of course he did, because if Lynette gets arrested she's gonna need an attorney. Bob tells Tom that everyone he invited to his last barbecue is involved in murder, and yet he's handed him only water. Tom tells him scotch will be coming right up, and takes the water glass from him. Lynette follows her husband into the kitchen and tells him he shouldn't have done that, as they don't need a lawyer. Tom grabs the bottle of scotch and tells her he's prepared for the worst, as he doesn't want the kids to visit her behind the bars the next Mother's Day. Lynette stops him and says Chuck Vance died the night before, hit by a car. Tom is surprised, and so is Bob, who meekly asks her if they were behind that too. Lynette says "No", and Tom asks if she's serious. He asks if Chuck was the only one who knew about it. Lynette nods affirmatively to both questions. Tom hugs her, and then turns to Bob and tells him they're not gonna need him after all. But if he wants, he can totally bill Tom for this hour. Bob tells him to count on that, and before he leaves, he takes the scotch with him. After he's gone, Tom asks Lynette if it's over, to which she replies that she thinks so.

810 11
Susan doesn't know why she's still so upset.

Mike and Susan are having breakfast, but only the former is eating. Susan is just staring blankly. Her husband asks her what's wrong, and she is caught off-guard. He goes on to say that the one man who could had sent them all to jail is gone. They're free, but she's still sitting there more depressed than ever, and he'd like to know why. Susan says she doesn't know, and he asks her if she's upset that Chuck got killed, to which she replies that she's not so much. He repeats himself, asking why she's so sad, and why she doesn't even know why she's so sad, and she just asks him why he's getting mad. He answers that they've been riding this emotional rollercoaster for months, and he's ready to get off. She sarcastically apologizes for not being all "giggles and sunshine", considering she's walking around with a big secret. Mike tells her that everyone's got secrets, to which Susan replies, "Not as big as mine. I helped bury a body." Mike tells her their mechanic does chrystal meth, their butcher beats up homeless people and the librarian is a nynphomaniac, as examples of a world filled with ordinary people with big secrets. He then tells her to man up and dump the guilt so they can move on with their lives. He then gets up to pour himself some more juice, and she contemplates over what he told her. She tells him she knows he's right, it makes no sense for her to depressed. She knows Alejandro was a bad guy, and Mike adds that he deserved to die. Susan agrees that he absolutely did. He then sits back down and proceeds to ask again why she is still so... Susan interrupts him, saying she doesn't know, again. "But I'll figure it out, I swear", she adds. Mike thanks her. Seconds later, Susan asks "Our librarian's a nynphomaniac?"; Mike says he made that up, and she starts saying she was gonna buy that, but he tells her to just eat.

810 12
Gabrielle offers some suggestions to Detective Murphy.

Gabrielle walks over to Detective Murphy at the local police station, and tells him she wanted to stop and say how sorry she was about Officer Vance. She then asks if there's any idea who could have done this, and he asks who she is. Gaby introduces herself, saying she met Chuck through his girlfriend, Bree Van de Kamp, who is a friend of hers. Murphy tells her Bree is a first-class bitch. Gaby instantly tells him she rarely talks to Bree, because of the "bitch" thing, to get on his side. She then sits down and asks if there were any witnesses, and he just goes on talking about Bree, saying everyone there knows what she did, led him on and then broke his heart like it was nothing. He then says he can't believe Chuck wanted to marry her. She pretends to agree with him, saying that marrying Bree would have been the worst that could ever happen to him, and the detective gives her look, which prompts her to correct herself: "Well, second worst." She then asks again if there are any clues, and he says "Not yet", before excusing himself and getting up. She goes after him, and tells him she thinks drunken teenagers may have been behind this, as hitting people with their cars is like a rite of passage for them. She suggests that they check the local and nearby kids, and he tells her it wasn't an accident. There were no skid marks, no attempt to slow down or swerve. Whoever did that was gunning for Chuck. Gaby asks, not so subtly, if anyone got the make of the car or the race of the driver. He tells her no, but adds that they're monitoring everybody sharp in the state. He then tells her not to worry, because a cop was killed, so they are gonna find who did that and they are gonna make them pay big time. Gaby says "okay", and adds that she'll be sure to tell Bree... "that bitch!". Detective Murphy looks confused.

Act III[]

810 13
Penny's drawing of Lincoln's assassination.

Penny is sitting at the kitchen table, drawing a picture of Lincoln's assassination, when her mother comes in with the laundry basket. Lynette tells Penny she doesn't think Lincoln would have been shot with a stapler, and Penny tells her, with an attitude, that it's a gun, and they're done. The doorbell rings, and Lynette opens the door to find Bree, who apologizes for dropping in unannounced. Lynette asks her what's wrong, and Bree tells her it's this whole Chuck thing. Lynette then turns to Penny and asks her to throw the clothes in the washing machine for her, which she does. She then tells Bree to come inside, and Lynette says "You don't think it was an accident, do you?"; Bree immediately says "No", and Lynette asks her who would do something like that. Bree says that it had to be someone who was trying to protect them, and Lynette responds that they would have to know about what the women did. They then comment on who knows the secret: all four of them and Carlos; Susan told Mike; Bree told Ben; and Lynette told Tom. This shocks Bree, and then Lynette adds that Tom told Bob. Bree then says they're gonna need to write this down.

810 14
The drawn chart of the people related to the cover-up.

Shortly afterwards, there's a chart, featuring all the names of people involved in the cover-up, drawn on one of Penny's paper sheets. The top box, a white one, features the name of Alejandro, which is linked to Carlos' name, which is linked to the names of Lynette, Gaby, Bree and Susan. All these five latter names are included in orange boxes. The four women are linked to the white box that contains Chuck's name, which has been crossed off. Green arrows point from Lynette's box to Tom's, from Bree's to Ben's, and from Susan's to Mike's. The latter three men have their names featured in a blue box, and Tom's links to a white box with Bob's name. There is a purple box with a question mark outside of the chart. Bree explains to Lynette that the people who were present the night the manslaughter occurred are in orange, the people who were told by people who were there are in blue, and the green arrows represent who told whom. Lynette comments that they are good at arts and crafts, but they suck at conspiracy. She then asks what the purple question mark is, and Bree replies that it represents whoever wrote the letter. Lynette is surprised. "You think they killed Chuck?", she asks. Bree answers, "Who knows? We don't know why the letter was sent in the first place." Lynette ponders about the contents of the note, and points out that it sounds like a threat. Bree then wonders why they would kill someone else who has the same goal, as it doesn't make any sense. Lynette tells her none of it makes any sense, as they know these people, and none of them would commit a cold-blooded murder. Bree then has another chilling idea: what if someone else knows? She then draws a red question mark outside the chart.

810 15
"She's bigger than me, what do you think I said?"

Gabrielle comes home, looking frustrated, and finds Mrs. McCluskey reading a magazine in the living room. She asks her about the girls, and Karen tells her Juanita demanded ice-cream for lunch. Gaby asks her what she said, and Karen responds, "She's bigger than me, what do you think I said?". Gaby gives her a reprehensive look, and Karen tells her not to, as she said she'd be home by feeding time. Gabrielle apologizes for that, saying she's been looking for her husband all over town, as he went AWOL from rehab the night before, and she has no idea where he is. Karen gets up and asks her if she wants a hint, which takes Gabrielle by surprise, leading her to ask her elderly neighbor if she knows where Carlos is. Karen tells her he came in about two hours before, drunk, and carried himself upstairs. Gaby rushes upstairs, saying "Karen, I don't know how to thank you", to which McCluskey replies, "I'm on a fixed income, let's use our imagination?".
Gaby enters her bedroom to find Carlos asleep on the bed. She is thankful, and jumps on the bed, asking her husband where he was the night before, adding that he can be honest and she won't judge him, she'll be totally supportive. However, Carlos doesn't properly wake up, and even grunts, so Gaby's tone changes to a less sympathetic tone as she shakes him up, calls him a "pathetic boozehound", and asks again where he was the night before. A sleepy Carlos asks her where he is now, and she immediately slaps him in the face, waking him up and prompting him to say "I'm home". He starts to get sleepy again, so she prevents him from dozing off again, and then asks where he went after checking out of rehab and getting into his car. Carlos tells her he drove to a bar, drank a lot of shots... and he doesn't remember much else. She asks him if he remembers killing someone, and this peculiar question wakes him up completely. Carlos sits down on the bed, confused, and Gaby tells him Chuck Vance was killed the night before by a hit-and-run driver. Carlos considers this, and then asks his wife if she think he killed Chuck. Gaby lets on that she does consider the option, and an insulted Carlos repeats the question, whether she thinks he killed someone, to which she ironically clears her throat and says "Alejandro".

810 16
Gabrielle and Carlos are susprised to find that the latter's car isn't at home.

Carlos tells him murder is not like potato chips, and Gaby tells him Carlos was upset and drinking, and Chuck was hit on Lake Street, which isn't too far from the rehab center. Carlos thinks about it, and states that he doesn't remember. Gaby tells him he has to, as the police are all over this case: they're looking for witnesses, they're trying to find the car... this last part triggers something in Gaby. She is reminded that all they have to do is check the car, and if Carlos hit him, it'll be obvious.
Not much later, Carlos and Gabrielle open up the door to their garage, to find no car. Gaby asks him where it is, to which Carlos replies "That's a really good question".

810 17
The doctor is in.

Bree is seen lying down on her couch, drinking a glass of white wine. Renee comes into the living room and turns the light on. Bree asks her why she did that, and she says she's checking up on her, and asks how she's doing. Bree simply says she's fine, and Renee says, "Really? Cos last night you were suicidal, and that was before you found out your boyfriend was dead. I would think you'd be an emotional mess right about now." She sits down, and Bree says "It's been an interesting couple of days, but I'm holding my own." Renee tells her she doesn't believe her, and Bree pulls her cover up and tells her neighbor she doesn't have to believe her, all she has to do is turn off the light as she leaves the room. Renee tells her she needs to talk about this, as repressing her feelings isn't healthy. Bree sits up and asks her since when she is a therapist, to which Renee replies, "Huh, excuse me, I took intro to Psych. And once slept with my shrink, I think I'm qualified." Bree tells Renee her feelings are not her concern, and Renee says they became her concern when she caught Bree about to "swallow the business end of a Smith & Wesson. Renee then adds that she's not leaving that room until Bree tells her why. Bree says that she can't, as other people are involved, people Renee knows. Renee says she can keep her mouth shut. Bree is still unwilling to, and Renee tells her she can trust her: "We're friends, right?". This said, Bree responds with "Not really." Renee is taken by surprise by this cold response, and Bree explains that she's not trying to be rude, as they socialize, they've been to each other's homes and they're friendly, but... that doesn't make them "friends". Renee is disappointed, and says "Okay". Bree adds that they've never talked about important things, they've never had a deep conversation, they're not... "friends", adds Renee. Bree realizes that she's upset her neighbor, which wasn't her intention. Renee tells her not to worry about her, as she's fine, and then she gets up to leave.

810 18
Alone in the dark...

Bree sighs, and Renee turns back to her and says, "And, by the way, I don't think you have any friends. In fact, I don't think you care about anyone at all, because if you did, you never would've considered splattering your brains against the wall of some cheap motel." Bree gets emotional and tells her, "Okay, that's it, would you please get out of my house?", to which Renee responds, "No. Not until I'm convinced you're no longer a danger to yourself. I will not allow anyone to kill themselves, not on my watch. I will not go through that again." This comment takes Bree by surprise. Renee leaves and turns off the light, and Bree is left there, in the dark, contemplating about what her neighbor just said.

Act IV[]

810 19
Lynette's cheerful mourning.

An aerial shot of the memorial service being held at a local church for Chuck is seen. People are coming inside the church. Sitting in one of the front rows are Tom and Lynette Scavo, the latter sporting a big grin on her face. Tom tells her, in a low voice, that this is a funeral, so she has got to stop smiling. Lynette gives up her smile, and apologizes. She then tells him she's just so relieved, as she really thought she was "dead in the water" back then. Tom adds that they were indeed very lucky. Lynette then tells her husband she can't thank him enough for everything he's done for her, and Tom tells her it was no big deal. Lynette reminds him that he was about to board a plane to Paris before he rushed to her side, which leads Tom to tell her that, in spite of everything, she still means the world to him. Lynette smiles, and says that if she didn't know before, she does now. She then asks him if he wants to come over later for "movie night" with the kids, and Tom says that'd be great. He then says he'll bring a pizza so she doesn't have to cook. Lynette says "Fantastic", and she then resumes her smile. Tom notices this and reminds her not to do that, so she stops and apologizes again.

810 20
Doris, Chuck's aunt, offers Susan some tissues.

At the entrance to the church, a large photo of Detective Vance is seen, and a teary Susan is standing in front of it, whiping her eyes with her sleeves. Doris, Chuck's elderly aunt, approaches her and lends her a package of tissues. Susan takes one, thanking her for the gesture, and comments that she can't believe she forgot to bring tissues to a funeral. She then hands the package back, but the woman tells her to keep it, as she doesn't really cry at funerals anymore. As Susan whipes her eyes with a tissue, Doris tells her that when one is young, death always comes as a shock, as if the Universe is unfair, but when one gets to her age, they realize that death is just the end of the story. Susan sighs, with sympathy, and Doris exemplifies that the phone call comes (this triggers something inside of Susan), one sheds a few tears, and then people get together and celebrate the life that was. Susan tells her "That's it". She then says, "Thank you so much. You will never know how helpful you've been." Doris tells her she's so glad, and then asks if Susan was close to her nephew. Susan dismissively says "No", which surprises and confuses Doris, but she then adds that Chuck interrogated her once, and he did a lovely job. Susan then rushes inside, leaving a slightly disgruntled Doris behind, who immediately looks at the large picture of Chuck, in his cop uniform, and smiles.

810 21
Gabrielle isn't comfortable discussing Alejandro in a church filled with cops.

Gabrielle and Carlos enter the church, and Susan, who had been waiting for them, quickly pulls Gaby to the side, and quietly asks her what Alejandro's alias was. A surprised Gabrielle quietly says, "Seriously? We're talking about this here?", and Susan just says that Chuck told her the alias during the interrogation but she can't remember it; she suggests "Pablo" and "Paco" as possibilities. Gabrielle corrects her, saying it was Ramón Sanchez. Susan is instantly reminded, and she then asks where he was living, to which Gabrielle responds that it was Oklahoma City. She asks him what she needs this for, and Susan answers that she'd like to light a candle for Alejandro, but figured she should know all of his names. Gaby reminds her one only lights candles for people they want to bless, and Susan says "That's right, and he was a bad guy. I'm gonna blow out that candle." This said, she leaves, and Gaby is just confused at her friend's odd behavior. She rejoins Carlos, who quietly asks her what they are doing there, as there are cops everywhere. He says he is taking a huge risk by being there, and Gaby tells him he's paying his respects, which is what innocent people do. In front of them, a uniformed detective is staring at them. Carlos asks her why that cop is staring at him, since he's "so innocent", and Gaby tells him to stop acting so guilty. The detective comes up to them, having recognized Carlos, and asks if he remembers him.

810 22
The detective questions Carlos and Gaby.

Carlos meekly says "No", and the detective answers that he is not surprised, considering that Carlos was pretty wasted when he came into the station the other night. Carlos is confused, and so is his wife, who asks him if he went to the police station, and the detective confirms this, stating Carlos wanted to make a confession. "Something about beating somebody with a candle stick?"; this shocks Carlos and Gaby, who are thrown off, and they try to stall as they came up with something to tell the detective. Gaby, smiling, tells her husband he shouldn't have said that, and then turns to the detective, still with her fake smile, and asks what else he said. The cop says that that's when the news came in about Detective Vance, and all hell broke loose. "By the time things settled, he was gone. So, who's this person he assaulted?", he asks Carlos, who is unclear on what to say, and Gaby steps in and tells the detective Carlos assaulted her. The detective is shocked, and Gaby tells him she's a bit of a handful. The detective turns to Carlos for confirmation that he hit his wife with a candlestick, and Gaby says he hit her back. "In his deffense, I'd just popped him with a baseball bat", she adds. The detective is concerned and confused, and all Carlos can do is put on a nervous smile. He then asks Gaby if she wants to file charges... and then asks the same to Carlos. Gaby says they're good. "This thing we got isn't pretty, but it works." They then walk past the very confused detective.

Renee and Bree are sitting side by side in one of the pews, silently. Bree breaks the silence by asking Renee, "So, who was it?"; "Who was what?", asks Renee, to which Bree replies, "The person you knew, who committed suicide." Renee tells her that's something she only discusses with friends. After a short period of further silence, Renee finally says, "It was my mother." Bree turns her face back to her, with surprise, as Renee goes on to say, "She tried it once before... pills. But I found her in time. And then, one morning, I saw that look in her eyes again... not sad, just... empty. She swore to me she'd be fine, so I... I went to school. And by the time I got back... well, how was I supposed to know she was gonna pull it off this time?". Renee gets emotional as she tries to fight back the tears, and so does Bree, as she sympathizes with her story. Bree tells her she's so sorry, and Renee sighs and says, "Yeah. That's what the note said, "I'm sorry". That's it. I don't have a mom for the rest of my life and she thinks those two little words are gonna make up for that."

810 23
Two emotional new best friends.

Bree is then silent for a while longer, and then says "Many years ago, a neighbor and a good friend of ours... took her life. And that lefts us all heartbroken and perplexed. But somehow, when I was alone in that hotel room... I forgot about all the pain she caused." Renee is still trying to keep from crying, and Bree adds, "In those awful moments, I thought maybe she had the answer."; Bree then turns back to Renee and says, "But then you showed up. Thank God." Renee faces her as well, and Bree continues: "You will always be the person who saved my life. And now that I've had time to think about it, I realize that makes you the best friend I'll ever have." They both exchange emotional smiles, and then Bree puts her hand on Renee's, as they turn to the front to witness the memorial.

Act V[]

810 24
"Is there swearing or something?"

Later, Lynette, Parker and Penny are setting up the table for dinner, and Tom walks in, bringing with him a DVD box and a pizza box. Lynette is happy that he brought a pizza from Mario's, but her children aren't so happy that their father picked out the movie. Tom defends his taste in movies, claiming it to be as good as his taste in pizza, to which Parker responds that, in that case, the pizza will be black and white and three hours long. Tom tells him that Citizen Kane, Casablanca and Marty are all classics, and he then recreates the famous Casablanca line, "Here's looking at you, kid", directed at his daughter, who dismisses him. Lynette tells them to be nice, as she's sure their father picked out something really nice this time, and he then shows her he rented Old Yeller. Lynette is disappointed, and says "Oh, Tom, you make this so hard". Tom tells them that, from what he's seen, it's a great film, but his parents always sent him to bed before the ending. He asks if there's swearing or something, to which Lynette replies, "Or something". She then opens the box of pizza so they can eat, and is surprised by what she sees. Tom asks "Everything good?", and she tells him he never remembers she likes the thin crust, all as she serves her children. She then tells him it doesn't matter, and thanks him for getting it. Tom is uncomfortable, and he sits down, frustrated.

810 25
Gabrielle gives her husband an unexpected threat.

Later that night, Gabrielle prepares to get into bed, where Carlos is already lying down, and tells him he left his car over at the police station, so Mrs. McCluskey is gonna drive them there the following morning. And then, Gaby will drive him back to rehab. Gaby turns off the light and lies down next to him, and he apologizes for putting her and the kids through so much, and adds that he's gonna try and get back as soon as he can. She then comforts him by telling him to forget about them, as he just needs to focus on getting better, and she'll hold down the fort. He smiles and kisses her, and then turns his back to her to go to sleep, but she calls his attention, and tells him there's something she wants to say: "I love you. I know you know that, I just don't think we say it enough." He says "I love you too", and then turns away from her again. She calls out for him again, and tells him, with a creepy threatening look on her face, "If you ever go to the police again, and confess something without talking to me first, I will be burying another body in the woods. You got it?"; Carlos nods affirmatively, a little scared, and she says "Good. I'll see you in the morning." She then lies down next to him, ready to go to sleep, and he turns away from her, concerned.

In the Scavo kitchen, Lynette asks her husband, who's cleaning the dishes, if he'd like a beer, the Belgian kind, and she then hands him one, as he loves that stuff. She thanks him for clearing the table, which she believes has been the hardest part of their separation. He confides in her that, to him, it's the laundry: he found out that he's more inclined to buy new socks than to wash the dirty ones. Lynette takes the opportunity to thank him again for giving up his trip to back her up, which meant a lot to her, and he says "No problem". She then jokes that he should apologize to Jane, who must be furious, and Tom laughs it off and says he doubts it, as she's not really like that. Lynette tells him she knows women, and there's probably a Lynette voodoo doll being dropped off the Eiffel tower as they speak. They share a laugh again, and Tom tells her that, it's weird, but, Jane doesn't hang on to anger. Lynette, skeptical, makes her doubts clear by a dismissive tone in her voice, and Tom tells her she doesn't Jane, she's very forgiving. Lynette sits down and says she got it, "Jane's terrific". Tom then promptly gives her an example: Jane would never criticize the pizza he brought over. Lynette is taken by surprise, and Tom adds that she had to point out that he didn't get the thin crust, and Lynette tells him she knows, and adds that the second she said that she wished she hadn't, it just came out. He acknowledges that that's a reflex for Lynette, she can't help it, which upsets her, and leads her to say that maybe that's because she keeps hoping that if she says something enough he'll finally hear her, after all, despite 23 years of telling him the kind of pizza she likes, it still doesn't occur to him to get it, which makes her feel like she doesn't matter. He looks as though he's sorry as well, and tells her he didn't realize. She says "I know". He then tells her he shouldn't have compared her to Jane, which wasn't right. Lynette looks at him and says "That's okay".

810 26
The Scavos run out of things to say.

She then adds, "She's really good to you, huh?", and Tom nods affirmatively. Lynette sighs, picks up the beer and gets up, then telling him that she thinks he should go to Paris. She explains that otherwise he'll always wonder if Jane could make him happy, which was the whole point of their separation. Tom looks emotional, and he then asks his wife if he can still stay and watch the movie. Lynette tells him "Of course", and afterwards they both stare at each other for a while, saddened, and then avert their gazes to stare blankly at the front, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Act VI[]

In a familiar setting, Mike wakes up in the morning and notices his wife is not lying next to him. He sits down on the bed, calls out for her, hears the front door being shut downstairs, and then gets up. He looks out the window and spies his wife handing her suitcase to the cab driver, to store it in the trunk. He says "You gotta be kidding me". Outside the house, Mike walks out, wearing nothing but his pyjama bottoms, and asks his wife what she thinks she's doing. The cab driver says he remembers this house: the half-naked guy comes out and he doesn't get his fare. He proceeds to remove the suitcase from the trunk, but Susan stops him, saying he'll get his fare this time, and tells Mike she's got to go, and it's all on her note. Mike asks what it is with her and notes lately, and she tells him he was asleep when she came home from the funeral. He tells her that if she's taking off to New York, she wakes him up. She then quietly tells him she's not going to New York, she's going to Oklahoma. He is confused. She turns to the cabbie and asks for two minutes, so he shuts the trunk and gets into the car.

810 27
Mike allows his wife to leave.

Susan then reminds her husband that he asked her why she still feels so guilty, and she finally figured out why: Alejandro got a call the night he was buried, which means he has a family, one that is probably worried sick about him. He did something horrible, not them, so they shouldn't have to suffer too. He asks her what she's gonna do about it, and she claims not to be sure yet. She just has to see if they're okay. She thinks it's the only way she's ever getting back to normal. Mike's clearly not too happy about the idea, but gives her his consent, and so they hug and part ways, as Susan gets into the cab and it drives off.
However, Gabrielle is seen picking up her morning paper from the street, and when she notices Susan in the taxi, she signals her, and the car is stopped in front of her. Gaby asks where she's off, and Susan, with a bleak smile, tells her she's just gonna visit some relatives, to which Gaby replies that that sounds like fun, and wishes her a good trip. She then heads back inside as the cab drives off.

It's a lonely business keeping secrets. That's why we all search for someone we can confide in. An ally who will understand...

Gaby walks into the kitchen and puts the paper down on the counter in front of Carlos, who's still in his pyjama, and who smiles pleasantly but then can't help but sport a concerned look on his face.

An advisor we can trust...

Tom says goodbye to his children and then walks out of the Scavo house, past Lynette, with barely any farewell given by each.

A friend who will never judge.

Bree enters her kitchen to find Renee preparing breakfast, and silently greets her, smiling. Renee smiles back as Bree walks out.

Yes, we all need help hiding the darkest truths of our lives.

Bree walks out of the house and heads toward her mailbox. She opens it and is given pause when she finds a blue envelope similar to the one containing the mysterious note she'd been sent before ("Secrets That I Never Want to Know").

Because as soon as you've told one secret...
810 28

Bree opens the envelope, overcome by both fear and curiosity, takes out a note in blue stationary, and it reads:


Bree is shocked.

Another is likely to appear.
Mary Alice Young


This episode was written by executive story editor Wendy Mericle, and was her first writing credit with the series. It was directed by executive producer David Grossman, marking the 48th time he directed an episode of Desperate Housewives. The table read for this episode was held on November 1, 2011.[1] The title for this episode was released without the inclusion of a question mark at the end, although it is clearly a question and a question mark is included in the lyric on which the title was based. The omission of said question mark was probably a mistake on the writers' part.


The overall reception of this episode was pretty positive, with both critics[2][3][4] and fans (who deemed this to be one of the best mid-season openers of the show's entirety)[5][6] praising the character development, emotional scenes and twists to the ongoing mystery. However, Annette from The Two Cents Corp said, "I really wanted a little more to happen in this episode. The best thing to come out of it was Renee showing some really emotion and depth. Otherwise, this episode just dragged things out and there really wasn’t anything fun about it. Desperate Housewives used to be fun and campy – I miss that.".[7]

The show scored, in its original ABC broadcast, 8.84 million and a rating/share of 3.0/7 in the key demographic (adults ages 18–49).[8] In the preliminary ratings, a rise of 11% in the ratings, when compared to those of the previous episode, was indicated.[9]

In addition to this, executive producer Sabrina Wind incited viewers and fans to share their favorite quotes of this episode and previous ones via Twitter after the airing of this show, and several of the lines came straight out of this episode.


Renee: (to Bree) You think I won't hit you? I once slapped a waitress because she forgot my croutons. You are dead!

Renee: (to Bree) Ever since we met you've been spouting those Sunday school phrases, making folks think you're this grand lady. Well, I got your number now. And you are nothing but a middle-aged skank in a Nancy Reagan nightie.

Gabrielle: How can he just check himself out?
Nurse Erik: As I told you on the phone, as I replied to your text, and as I'm telling you in person, this is a rehab center, not a jail.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well, it's not much of a rehab center if you let patients out in time for "happy hour"!
Nurse Erik: Please, lower your voice. You'll wake the "crackheads".

Bree: Did you take the laces out of all my sneakers?
Renee: Yeah, and I also got rid of all your knives, razors, pills, cleaning fluid and your shower curtain.
Bree: How could I kill myself with a shower curtain?
Renee: You can't. I just thought it was ugly.

Carlos: (at Chuck's funeral) What the hell are we doing here? There are cops everywhere.
Gabrielle: It's a cop's funeral. What'd you expect? Clowns?


Gallery of photographic stills released to promote the episode.

External links[]