Wiksteria Lane

"Witch's Lament" is the 163rd episode of Desperate Housewives.


As Halloween approaches, Gabrielle, Bree and Lynette must attempt to exhume and move the body of the former's murdered stepfather after learning that Ben's real estate development excavation is taking place on that very spot. Meanwhile, Susan discovers that being art teacher Andre's intern involves tending to matters that aren't necessarily art-related. Hoping not to be outdone by Tom's new girlfriend, Lynette tries to construct a homemade Halloween costume for Penny, and Renee uses a little enticement to help spice up her first night of romance with Ben.


Previously on Desperate Housewives[]

In therapy, the subject was Tom's new girlfriend. Susan wanted to quit, but decided to face the challenge instead. Carlos tried to drown his guilt. And Ben showed Bree the site where construction was about to begin.
Mary Alice Young


Paranoia... it's the irrational fear that someone is after you... that you're going to be exposed at any moment. Paranoia can sneak up on you, causing you to stumble at every turn. And just when you think you're in the clear, and the danger has passed, paranoia reminds you that no place is truly safe.
806 02
Gabrielle runs away from the park ranger.

It's night time. We see Bree quickly running through the woods, apparently from someone holding a flashlight, and she doesn't look back once as she runs. We then see Gabrielle running too, holding a shovel. As she runs, she whines with fear. She then finds a tree and hides behind it, just as the man holding the flashlight walks past. He shines his flashlight at the tree, but doesn't see Gaby, so he continues to walk. Then we see Lynette also running through the woods holding a shovel. She then trips over a fallen branch, just as the man with the flashlight shines his light at her, but he cannot see her. She then picks up her shovel and continues to run in panic.

806 01
The housewives make a shocking discovery.

The man with the flashlight seems to give up on his search, but the women keep running. Bree then comes into an opening in the woods, and she quietly calls out for Gabrielle and Lynette. She then notices something on the floor and horrifically says "Oh my, God", and she stares at it with terror. Meanwhile, Gaby and Lynette have found each other. They quietly make their way through the woods. Lynette says that she thinks they're close as she recognizes the area. Gaby announces that she’s scared, and Lynette says the fact that it’s Halloween doesn’t help. Gaby then says they need to “dig him up and get it over with”. With that said, they hear Bree calling out for them. They then find Bree, staring at the floor. Lynette asks if she’s okay, but she doesn’t reply. Lynette and Gaby get closer to Bree, and then they see what she sees too. They also look in horror and Gaby moans “no”.

Paranoia... it's the irrational fear that someone is after you, but even when you hope it isn't real, it can still scare you to death.
Mary Alice Young

Act I[]

Three Days Earlier

Susan Delfino had always been a great student. That's because she knew how to be the teacher's pet: some liked gifts, some liked extra credit, and some just liked her. But, in her new class, Susan would learn that not every teacher was in the market for a pet.
Mary Alice Young
806 03
Susan was always the teacher's pet.

We see Susan casually walking to her art class, holding a small box containing something. We then see flashbacks of Susan’s time in school. We see Susan as a child, carrying an apple to her teacher’s desk. She puts the apple on the desk for her teacher, and the teacher smiles at her. We then see a teenage Susan placing some documents on her teacher’s desk. The teacher smiles at her. And then we see a slightly older Susan stood at a male teacher’s desk. She lowers the strap of her shirt and bra, so he turns to her and smiles.

806 04
Susan is awarded Andre's internship.

Back in the present, Susan approaches Andre Zeller’s desk and she puts a small cupcake on it. She then wishes him a happy Halloween. He just stares coldly at Susan. She explains that she thought he might like a treat, but he just drops it in the bin. Susan then sits down at her easel. Andre then announces that today is the day he selects his new intern, so Susan, acting ignorant, asks “Is that today?”. Andre says the award won’t be given based on brownie-making, boot-licking, etc... Amy says that covers all of Susan’s moves. Andre goes on to explain the decision will be made on talent and who irritates him the least. Andre then asks Amy to stand up as he announces the winner. After a slight pause, he says he’s chosen Susan. Amy's and Susan’s eyes open wide with confusion, and then Andre asks Amy to sit down. Susan thanks Andre and even says she won’t take her son to soccer practice in order to meet Andre on time, just to make sure Amy doesn’t get the place instead.

806 05
Gabrielle convinces Carlos to go to an AA meeting.

Meanwhile, at the Solis house, Carlos is in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Gabrielle enters the kitchen and sees the drink. She asks him how he’s doing, so he replies “fine”. Gaby pauses for a moment, and then says “great”. She then approaches Carlos as he continues to read his newspaper. When he opens the newspaper fully, so he cannot see his drink, Gaby smells and then dips her fingers in his coffee to check for alcohol. However, Carlos catches her in the act, so he asks if she’d like her own cup. Gaby jumps, and apologizes. She tells Carlos that the night he got drunk really scared her. Carlos says it scared him too. Gaby then says she thought he’d go to an AA meeting, but Carlos says he’s not an alcoholic. However, after a slight moan from Gaby, Carlos agrees to go to one. Gaby thanks Carlos and says she loves him. She then assures him they’ll get through his problem. As she leaves the kitchen, she asks that if he does turn out to be an alcoholic, that he doesn't become one of those “whiny” ones.

806 06
Lynette feels threatened by Jane.

At Lynette’s house, Lynette is on the front porch putting up Halloween decorations when Tom pulls up in his car with Penny. However, Lynette isn’t happy to see he brought Jane too. She then quickly sorts her hair out so she doesn’t look too bad in front of her. When Lynette sees Penny, she smiles and asks how her visitation at her dad’s house was, so she says it was fun. Penny then shows her mother a drawing of her Halloween costume, a swan. Lynette suggests something easier for her to make, but Penny says she doesn’t have to make it, as Jane offered to. Unhappy, Lynette says she’ll go thank Jane. She then approaches Jane’s door and waves to her. Jane gets out, revealing her nice clothes, embarrassing Lynette, who’s wearing old baggy clothes. Lynette then tells Jane that she’d like to make the costume with Penny, as it’s a tradition they have. Tom asks “Since when?”, to which Lynette replies “Always”. Jane apologizes, and says that Penny never said anything, so Lynette says that she probably didn't want to hurt her feelings. Tom then lets Jane back in the car, and she says if Lynette changes her mind, it won’t be a problem, as she's already made some costumes for the cancer ward kids.

806 07
Bree tells Gabrielle about Ben's real estate location.

Back at the Solis house, Gabrielle and Bree are in the main room. Bree shuts the curtains, indicating to her friend that something is wrong. Bree explains that she learnt the location of Ben’s real estate project. However, Juanita, wearing an egg costume, comes from upstairs and calls for her mother, thus interrupting their conversation. Gaby tells her not to talk at the moment, as she and Bree are talking. Juanita says her mother promised to fix her costume. Gaby tells her friend she’ll only take two seconds, as she gets the sewing kit. Juanita tells Bree that Celia is going as "bacon" (so they work together) and then she asks what they were talking about. Bree says she was telling her mommy a scary Halloween story about four witches who buried a monster in the woods, and she then informs Gaby that Ben’s estate is being built on top of the body, by including it in her story. Gaby then tells Bree that the “witch”, meaning Bree, has to go and stop the project. Bree asks how, but Gaby says she doesn’t know. As Bree leaves, Juanita tells her mother the story wasn’t scary at all, but Gaby says it is really very scary, referring to the real secret.

Act II[]

806 08
Ben unwillingly begs Renee to go on a date with him.

At Renee’s house, Ben Faulkner rings her doorbell. Renee answers, and Ben greets her and then apologizes for being “AWOL” for the past two weeks. But, as he speaks, Renee sarcastically asks if they’ve met. He goes on to explain that he’s been swamped with his new project and he wants to make it up to Renee. She asks how, so he invites her over for dinner the next day. Renee reminds Ben that the following day is Halloween, but he says it’ll be fun. He says they’ll give sweets to kids, and then later they can have a little treat of their own. Renee then tells Ben that if he wants a date with her, then he’ll have to beg. She tells him to get on his knees, so he does so, and then he insultingly, yet charmingly, asks Renee for dinner. She accepts, so Ben asks if that was necessary. She tells him it was because she needed to see if he had any bald patches. She then shuts the door in his face.

806 09
Andre tells Susan she's caring for his son during the weekend.

At the art school, Andre is walking towards his classroom as Susan runs behind him, carrying heavy bags and art supplies, saying “intern Susan Delfino, reporting for duty”. Andre mumbles that he’s starting to regret choosing Susan, but then she thanks him for picking her. They then enter the room to find a young boy, Jasper, sitting at a desk, reading a book. Andre introduces them both, and then he tells Susan that he’ll pick him up on Monday night. Susan says she doesn’t understand, so Andre explains that Jasper is his son and she’s watching him for the weekend. He goes on to list the allergies that Jasper has, but he says he cannot remember one of them, shocking Susan. Susan then asks if Andre was married, so he explains that he was young and he needed money. As Andre leaves, Susan asks if he only chose her to be a glorified babysitter. Andre explains she isn’t, as the school are calling it an internship, so that's way he doesn’t have to pay her. Andre then leaves an unhappy Susan with his son, so she awkwardly asks him what he’s reading. He tells her it’s a book containing tips for surviving a nuclear attack, making it apparent to her that he is just as pretentious as his father.

806 10
Renee says her friend in New York can make Penny's costume.

Over at Lynette’s, she is making her daughter Penny’s Halloween costume with a sewing machine. Renee suddenly lets herself in through the side door, and she immediately announces that she and Ben are going to have sex the following day, for the first time. Lynette says she thought they’d already had sex, but Renee explains that she likes Ben a lot and she wants their first time to be amazing. She then shows Lynette a sex drug she got from Chinatown. Lynette takes it and is shocked by its name: “Woman Love Fluid”. Renee says she’ll need to cover the name. Lynette then shows Renee the costume she’s made for Penny, and it’s not very good, so her friend doesn’t hold back on telling her that. She then questions why Lynette is making a hard costume, so she explains that Jane offered to make the costume. Renee tells Lynette that she’s in luck, as she has a friend in New York who’s a Tony award-winning costume designer. Lynette asks if he’d make the cat costume, so Renee says he’ll do anything for cash as he’s a cocaine addict. Lynette then not-so-jokingly says he’ll do it fast as well.

806 11
Carlos talks to Allen about his drinking problems.

Meanwhile, Carlos walks into a nearly deserted AA room which has chairs set out in a circle. A man, Allen, tells him that if he came for the AA meeting, then he missed it. Carlos says he was just looking to talk to somebody, so Allen introduces himself and asks if he wants to talk to him. Carlos explains that he had an “incident” a few nights ago, and that he doesn’t remember doing it. Allen asks how often it happens to Carlos, but he says that it’s only happened lately. Allen asks what “lately” is, so Carlos answers "two months". Allen asks if something traumatic happened two months before, and as he lists suggestions, Carlos suddenly realizes it’s the murder of Alejandro, and his face becomes horrified. But, he immediately puts on a straight face, and tells Allen that there’s nothing he can think of. Carlos then says he wasn’t sure talking was a good idea, and he gets ready to leave. He then thanks Allen and says he has to leave, so Allen gives him his phone number in case he ever wants to talk. However, as Carlos leaves the room, he sneakily throws the number in the trash bin.

806 12
Bree learns how she can stop Ben's real estate development.

Back on Wisteria Lane, we see someone taking three eggs out of a fridge. Outside Ben's house, it’s revealed that person was Bree. She then throws the eggs onto Ben’s living room window, and she quickly rushes to his front door. She knocks, and when he answers, he finds Bree stood there with a disappointed look, so he asks if everything’s alright. She tells him that she saw some people throwing eggs at his house and she couldn’t catch them. Ben shrugs it off and says it was probably kids preparing for Halloween, but Bree assure him it wasn’t kids and they said mean things about real estate developers and Australians. Ben, curious, asks what they said about Australians, as he's never heard an anti-Australian slur, but Bree, who cannot think of one quickly enough, says she’d rather not repeat it. She tells Ben there must be some clear opposition towards the Chapman Woods development and she suggests relocating. However, he says “screw them” as it would cost too much to relocate again. Bree asks what happened at the original site, so he explains that endangered frogs were found, so the development had to be closed down. Coming up with an idea, Bree asks if he’s had the Environmental Impact Study in Chapman Woods, but he says it’s occurring the following day.

Act III[]

806 Gaby Bree
Bree and Gabrielle hunt for frogs.

The next day, at Hawkins Lake, Ben’s original construction site, Bree and Gabrielle are there, trying to find an endangered frog. Gaby asks if they’d actually stop construction for one frog, so Bree says they will if it’s an endangered frog. Gaby then moans that frogs scare her and she keeps complaining about them, forcing Bree to yell and say they’ll go to prison if they don’t find any. Gaby then steps into the lake and helps Bree, who’s wearing leather pants and Wellington boots. Gaby immediately notices one, and asks if it’s the correct species, so Bree asks if it has spots on its legs. However, she immediately swings for it anyway, but misses, and it jumps away, terrifying Gabrielle. Bree asks why Carlos isn’t helping, so Gaby explains that she didn’t tell him about the construction because of his drinking problems. Bree offers to speak to Carlos, but Gaby assures Bree that he’s been going to AA meetings. Bree tells Gaby she understands what he’s going through, and is surprised how she herself has stayed sober through the past two months. But, with that, Bree immediately notices something on Gabrielle’s shoe. She tells her not to move, but she doesn’t listen, and she runs out of the lake screaming and waving her arms in fear. Bree sighs with frustration and mumbles to herself that it’s going to be a long day.

806 13
Jasper envies Susan and MJ's relationship.

Over at Susan’s house, Susan is in the kitchen with Jasper, who’s reading a book. As she pours candy into a bowl, she asks if he wants to play video games, but he scoffs her suggestion. So, she asks if he wants to carve a Jack-O’-Lantern... which doesn’t have any more effect as he states he’d rather stick a knife in his eye. Susan awkwardly mumbles to herself that there’s thirty-six more hours to go, but Jasper, who heard her, points out there’s thirty-seven hours, as Andre is always late. MJ then comes down the stairs, wearing a space-robot costume, and he shows his robot impression to his mother; Jasper rolls his eyes at him. Susan tells MJ, in a robot voice, that his costume is “approved”. Jasper tells them both that they sound stupid, so Susan, still talking in the robotic voice, says his insult does not “compute”. Jasper then yells that nobody cares about being a “dumb robot” and he charges out of the house and onto the front porch. Moments later, Susan joins Jasper on the porch. She asks him what’s going on with him, so he tells her he hates Halloween. She asks why, as it’s merely about dressing up and getting free candy, but Jasper just shakes his head. Something then occurs to Susan, and she asks if Andre doesn’t let him celebrate Halloween. Jasper says his father thinks it’s for kids, so Susan reminds him that he is a kid. Susan then tells Jasper that he and Andre are both going trick-or-treating with her and MJ. Jasper says Andre will never accept, but Susan says she can be very persuasive.

806 14
Susan steals Andre's painting.

Over at the art school, after hearing Susan’s suggestion about Halloween, Andre tells her that he’d rather stick a knife in his eye, and then he continues his painting. Susan begs, saying Jasper is desperate to go trick-or-treating and that it'd only be a couple of hours. He tells Susan that his painting is the only thing he cares about...and a cigarette. He gets up to go get a cigarette, and as he leaves, he tells Susan not to look at his painting as it isn’t finished. When he leaves, Susan gets a sneaky idea, so she carefully takes the painting off its easel, and she takes it into another room.

806 15
The endangered frogs escape.

Returning from Hawkins Lake, Bree and Gaby are in the latter's car. Bree tells her friend to stop using hand-sanitizer, as her hands will slip off the wheel, but she complains that she can still feel the frogs. She then asks why there’s no noise coming from the plastic container in the back, which is concealing some frogs they managed to catch. Bree says they could be resting, but Gaby says they could be dead. Bree quickly grabs the box and places it on her lap, much to her friend’s distress. She then slightly opens the lid to listen to the frogs, but one suddenly jumps out and lands on Gaby’s arm. Knowing there’s a frog on her, Gaby tries to stay calm, but the second she looks at the green frog, she screams and wails about the car, which swerves all over the road as Gaby and Bree scream at each other. They eventually pull over and quickly run out of the car, still screaming, but Bree leaves her door open and all of the frogs quickly run away, back into some woods. As they escape, Bree yells that they’re so fast so she wonders what could ever endanger them.

806 16
Bree suggests digging up the body.

Back on Wisteria Lane, Bree and Gaby pull up in Bree’s drive. They fall back into their seats and sigh with fear. Gaby states that they’re “screwed”, so Bree asks her to stop saying that. Gaby explains that “screwed” is the best term for their situation, and it cannot be said enough times. Bree insists there must be something they can do to stop the construction, but Gaby says they’ll find the body, identify it and find out he’s Gaby’s step-father. With that, Bree gets an idea, and she says they won’t if there’s no body to be found, implying they should dig it up. Gaby is shocked by Bree's suggestion.

Act IV[]

806 17
Lynette gives Penny her costume without even looking at it.

On the night of Halloween, at Lynette’s house, Penny is outside her mother’s bedroom with her cat make-up on. She knocks on the door and asks for the costume, but Lynette says she’s putting on the finishing touches. She then goes to the phone and says a tracking number to the person on the other line, worried because she hasn't received the costume she ordered yet. With that, the delivery man pulls up outside her house. She opens her window and loudly whispers to the man, telling him to throw the box to her... two stories high. The man reluctantly throws it, and Lynette catches it perfectly. She then quickly takes the costume out of the box, throws the box out the window, and then Penny enters to see Lynette holding the costume. Lynette says it’s finished and gives the costume to her without even looking at it, so Penny thanks and hugs her before going to get ready. The delivery man then yells to the window that he needs a signature, so Lynette closes the window to avoid Penny from hearing him.

806 18
Susan is shocked by Andre's attitude towards his son.

On the lane, Susan, dressed as a fairy, and Andre are both walking together as MJ and Jasper trick-or-treat. Susan says he’s one good wig away from being the Cowardly Lion. Andre tells her to “drop it, witch”. Susan laughs and asks him to say “I do believe in spooks” in the Cowardly Lion’s voice. However, Andre reminds her that he’s only with her because she kidnapped his painting. MJ and Jasper then return from Bob and Lee’s house and they show their candy to their parents. Jasper offers a chocolate bar to his father, but Andre says the only thing he wants is to go. Jasper explains that they’ve only done half the street, but Andre tries to bribe Jasper into leaving with $20. Susan tells Jasper he’s joking and tells him to continue. As the kids leave, Jasper says “I promise I’ll go fast, Andre”, surprising Susan. Andre says he prefers to be called Andre instead of "dad". Susan reminds Andre that Jasper is his son, but he says he’s his ex’s son. Susan says that biologically it’s his son, so Andre says “Ontologically, he’s getting in the way of my work”. So Susan finished with “Psychologically, you’re a frickin’ sociopath”. Becoming angry, Susan asks if he sees how desperate Jasper is to bond with him and that he does everything he can to push him away. Andre says he isn’t interested in a relationship, but Susan says it’s tough because Jasper’s a person with feelings, so he can't just be tossed to the side. Andre sarcastically asks her to continue ranting as it’s making the time fly. Susan then sighs with realization... she explains how hard she’s tried to make Andre like her in the past few weeks, but she doesn’t even like him. She then tells Andre the location of his painting, and then she assures him she’ll take care of his son.

806 19
Penny's costume is revealed.

Back at Lynette’s house, Tom and Jane enter and Jane thanks Lynette for letting her join the trick-or-treating adventure. Tom asks if Penny’s ready, so Lynette explains that she’s putting on the costume that she sewed with her own hands. With that, Penny comes down the stairs and yells that the costume is amazing. The three adults all look with shock as they see Penny stood wearing a slutty cat costume... with a whip. Lynette quickly takes the whip off her daughter and says it’s in case she’s attacked by a dog. Tom asks if Lynette is proud of the costume, so she says she thought it was cute, to which Tom replies “if she were trick-or-treating for dollar bills” as it’s inappropriate. He then tells Penny to put on the “smarty-pants” costume her mom had made for before, much to Penny’s dislike. Realizing what’s happening, Jane steps in and asks if she put on the whole costume and asks if there was a skirt. Lynette anxiously says there was a skirt, so Jane tells Penny she’d help her mother look for it. The three women then all go upstairs to “get” the skirt.

Act V[]

806 20
Renee takes too much "Woman Love Fluid".

At Renee’s house, Renee is stood in front of her mirror, checking herself out. She then takes some of her “Woman Love Fluid” and then walks away. But then she immediately goes back, checks herself out again and takes more and more of the fluid, desperate for her night to be perfect. Later that evening, Renee and Ben are on the sofa making out, at his house, in front of a lit fireplace and beside glasses of wine. The doorbell rings and children yell “trick-or-treat”, so they stop. Ben asks her to “hold that thought” as he answers the door. Ben compliments the children’s costumes and childishly plays around with them, but, losing patience, Renee storms to the door and throws the candy at the children. After slamming the door in their faces, she turns to Ben and says “let’s see if we can find something fun-size for me to enjoy”. They fall back onto the sofa and continue making out. However, Renee uncomfortably begins to get very hot, so she takes off her small jacket. She then goes to kiss Ben again, but she suddenly makes a loud and awkward croaking sound. Ben asks if she’s alright; she says she’s isn’t sure because she has a tightness in her throat. Ben says they could continue another night, but Renee insists she’s fine. She then tries to continue kissing Ben, but the awkward croak returns and her heads flicks back with her mouth wide open, and Ben is accidentally spat on.

806 21
Susan is warned about the consequences of becoming an artist.

At Susan's house, she, MJ and Jasper return, discussing the scariness of the houses. MJ asks if one house with spiders scared Susan, but she says it’d take a lot more than that to scare her. She then suddenly sees Andre sat at her kitchen worktop, and she screams with horror. She asks him how he got in, so he explains about the key under the front mat. MJ asks his mother if he and Jasper can trade candy, but she says it’s up to Andre. Andre tells them it's fine, and they both run into the next room to trade. Susan then asks why Andre isn’t finishing his painting, so he says he was thinking about what she said. He tells her that he knows she doesn’t like him, as many people don’t, and he’s learnt to live with that by not caring... but Susan says he cares. But Andre swears he doesn’t, and that his art is always going to come first. Susan asks if his art comes before Jasper, so Andre says that because Jasper is his son, he’s going to try to be a better father. Susan says it’ll make him a better painter... Andre disagrees. He then tells her that the gift/curse of being an artist consumes a person and they lose everything they loved. Susan insists that’d never happen to her... but Andre tells her she may not have a choice. He then leaves her house.

806 22
Renee is transformed into a hideous monster because of the fluid.

Back at Ben’s house, Ben is pouring wine as Renee answers the door to more trick-or-treaters. They notice something horrifying and they run away screaming. Renee’s face is all swollen and blotchy with a red rash. Unaware of her face and confused by the children’s reactions, she shrugs it off and heads back inside. She asks Ben how dinner is coming, so he brings the wine and as he’s about to answer, he notices her face and asks what happened to her. Still confused, she asks “what?”. Ben then tells her that she needs to see a doctor... but Renee says there’s no need as it’s just a rash. She then yells at Ben, who’s stood perfectly still, to stop running in circles. Ben says he’s not moving, worrying Renee. Ben puts the wine down and Renee explains she’s not feeling okay, and with that, she collapses into his arms. He then supports her with her arm around his neck as he carries her to his car. As they leave the house, all the nearby children see Renee’s face and they all flee with terror.

Back off
Lynette tells Jane to back off.

Over at Lynette’s house, she and Jane are in her room as Jane sews Penny a skirt to match her outfit. She tells Lynette that she’s almost done, so Lynette says she could sew professionally. Jane, fully understanding the situation, asks if she means she could do it like the person who actually made the outfit, and then chuckles friendlily. Lynette awkwardly tries to explain why she did what she did, so she says the situation is new for her. Jane says it’s new for her too. Lynette asks Jane if she’s going to bust her, but she’s assured she won’t, as she was just trying to look good. A sympathetic Jane then explains that when she got a divorce, she bought a car for her thirteen year old daughter. They both laugh at the anecdote, and Lynette says Jane is officially better than her... even at bribery. Jane compliments Lynette, because she juggled a career and five kids whereas she could barely manage one child. Jane then tells Lynette that she’s the type of person she could be friends with; Lynette agrees, saying that her helping make the skirt is something a friend would do. Jane says she’s happy to help, so Lynette asks for her help with something else. She asks her to stop taking Tom away from her as she’d like to work out her marriage problems. The lovely mood is thus destroyed, once Jane is put to a corner. Jane says she won’t give up on Tom just because Lynette cannot accept her marriage is over. Lynette says she won’t let him go without a fight as they have five children, one being a baby. Jane explains that Tom says Lynette is always looking for a fight, and then explains her ex-husband was like that too, and when someone finds someone else who isn’t, one wants to hang on to them. She then passes Lynette the finished skirt, and Lynette takes it off of her, silently.

Act VI[]

806 23
Bree and Gabrielle recruit Lynette.

Later that night, over at Gabrielle’s house, Gaby is about to leave the house as she tells Carlos that Juanita and Celia are in bed. She then anxiously tells Carlos not to wait up, as she and the girls are taking Lynette for a drink. She then apologizes, having forgotten about Carlos’ drinking problem. Moments later, at Lynette’s house, Gabrielle and Bree have just told Lynette about the plan to dig up Alejandro. She’s highly confused and asks if they’re digging up the body that night. Bree says they have no choice because Ben’s bulldozers arrive the following day. Lynette then asks where Carlos and Susan are, so Gaby explains they didn’t want to involve them because of the problems they’ve been having. Lynette puts her coat on as she expresses her disbelief in the fact that they’re moving a body. Bree apologizes to Lynette, but Lynette explains that she just spent the night with her husband's new girlfriend, so moving the body doesn’t sound so bad.

806 24
Renee expresses her feelings towards Ben.

Meanwhile, at Fairview Memorial Hospital, Renee, whose rash is calming down, is resting on a bed in a quiet room. Ben approaches the room's door and knocks; Renee is pleased to see him. He asks how she’s doing, so she replies “better”. She explains they gave her a shot of Cortisone because she had an allergic reaction to some possible food. Ben then explains that Renee told him it was the “Woman Love Fluid”, most likely when she was delusional. Embarrassed, Renee hides under her quilt and says goodbye to Ben. He then tries to joke with Renee to make her feel comfortable, but she tells him to go away. He then sits on her bed and slowly pulls the quilt off Renee's face, explaining that he doesn’t understand why she took it. She tells him that she wanted that night to be special and because she hasn’t been with a man since her divorce. Ben then reminds Renee that when he moved to Fairview, she offered him sex before knowing his name, so Renee explains that that was before she realized how much she likes him. Ben smiles and says he likes Renee too and then he joins her under the quilt. The two then cuddle together, cheerfully.

806 25
Carlos is horrified by a vision of Alejandro.

Back at the Solis house, a teenage boy rings the bell. Carlos answers and the boy says “trick or treat”. Carlos just stares at the boy with horror as he is haunted by a vision of Alejandro standing at the door with pale white skin and fresh blood on his head. Confused, the teenage boy says “trick or treat” again to the petrified Carlos. And with that, Carlos’ horrifying vision disappears and he comes back to reality, but he’s still frozen with fear. The boy says that now is the part where he gives candy, so Carlos just gives him the whole bowl and then he slowly closes the door, still with the terrified face. Carlos then enters the kitchen, opens a small bag and takes out a bottle of alcohol. He then starts to drink it rapidly from the bottle.

806 26
Lynette has a bad feeling about their plan.

At the wood, the three girls arrive in their car to a quiet area. They park up and take a quick deep breath. Lynette says she isn’t sure about moving the body as people should never return to the scene of a crime. Bree says they need to dispose of the body efficiently, and then explains how. Bree then says she has all the necessary tools in her trunk, and then she gets out the car to collect them. Moments later, Bree, Lynette and Gaby are walking through the woods, wearing backpacks and shining flashlights as they search for the grave. Lynette wonders what a corpse looks like after two months under ground, so Gaby becomes curious if it’s just bones or if there are other things too. But, suddenly, a man yelling “hey” is quietly heard in the distance. Bree ducks and tells them to shush. The man’s voice is now louder, and he yells “hey” again... he has seen the women in the distance.

806 27
The girls learn that Alejandro's body has been taken.

Bree tells them to run in different directions, so they do. We then see the events of the beginning of the episode, with Bree, Gaby and Lynette running and avoiding the man. Once in the clear, Gabrielle and Lynette meet up and they begin to look for Bree. Lynette says that she recognizes the area they’re in, so they must be close. Meanwhile, Bree is looking for the other two women when she comes upon something shocking on the ground. She says “Oh my God” and stares at it, mortified. Lynette and Gaby are nearby when they hear Bree quietly shouting to them. They approach her to see her stood, staring at the ground. As they get closer, they too see what she sees and they also become scared. It’s then revealed that the thing they’re looking at is Alejandro’s grave... but it’s already been dug up and it’s empty.

Paranoia... it's the irrational feeling that the whole world is against you. But it's no longer paranoia when you discover that someone really is out to get you
Mary Alice Young


"Witch's Lament" was written by Annie Weisman and directed by Tony Plana. This makes it the first episode of the series to be directed by one of its actors (Tony Plana, who played Alejandro), as part of the Disney-ABC DGA Directing Program.


The episode was watched by a total of 9.28 million viewers, with a 3.1 in the key demographic. Showing increased viewership, "Witch's Lament" received positive praise from television critics and fans.


  • The title of this episode comes from a song of the same name (also known as simply "Lament"), taken from the Stephen Sondheim musical Into the Woods.


Juanita: Yeah, that was actually kind of a lame story, it wasn't even scary.
Gabrielle: Trust me, honey, it is really, really scary.

Bree: (about the escaping frogs) Oh, no! Oh, they're getting away! They're so fast, what the hell could endanger them?!

Jasper: I promise I'll go fast, Andre.
Susan: He calls you Andre?
Andre: Well, yeah, I prefer it. "Dad" is an inaccurate representation of our relationship.
Susan: He's your son...
Andre: He's her son.
Susan: Biologically, he's yours.
Andre: Ontologically, he's getting in the way of my work.
Susan: Well, psychologically, you're a frickin' sociopath.

Penny: Look, I'm a kitten with a whip! Meow!

Tom: (about Penny's costume) You're proud of this?
Lynette: Yup. I thought it was cute.
Tom: Yeah, if she's trick-or-treating for dollar bills! It's totally inappropriate!

Lynette: (to Jane) Back off, okay?


Gallery of photographic stills released to promote the episode.

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